Despite the Title..

This blog is about fear.
Fear of the future. (Do you see the blog trend? hmm)

I am not coming from a place of wisdom or hindsight in writing this, know that. I am just putting my thoughts here, in hopes that maybe I can make sense of them by being able to see them.. or just read this one day down the road and realize how ridiculous this all was. 

If you were to ask me today or two months ago or even two years ago what my driving force was, really, honestly what truly pushed me and was the reason behind 99.9% of my decisions here's the answers you'd get:

"Jesus Christ. Knowing Him and making Him known." 

Then, I'd be honest and say.. Well, if 99.9% of my decisions were Christ driven, then I'm pretty sure my decisions would look a little different.
SO, back to square one.. I guess I could say my decisions are based out of desire, spontaneity and fear.. With a foundation that roots back to scripture, high moral standards, and being raised in the South. #JustBeingHonest (I'm not perfect, and I'm okay with that.) 

And recently, HOLY CRAP desire and fear have been like colliding like crazy. Along with prayers and random thoughts and day dreams. My brain just doesn't turn off. 

SOME DAYS.. This is on my brain:

FLORIDA! 

HOME! 

USF! 

RAYS! 

FAMILY! 

FRIENDS!

TREE! 

BEACH!

HOME!

ROOTS!

BAYSHORE!

DATZ!

BULL!

VV!

YBOR!

HOME!

And THEN some days are like THIS:I'M TEXAN NOW! 

Mainly, Texas has been such a blessing, it hurts to think about leaving. But at the same time, it hurts to feel like I'm missing life back home. I start to question WHY and HOW the heck I got here.. then I realize I GOT here through prayer and the Lord's will. And everyday He keeps me here is still His will. I have had no control over any of this. Heck, I moved here with the "plan" to nanny for a year, gain my residency, save money and then go to UTSA. Here's what actually happened: Nannied, moved out, crossfit cert, broke as a joke, plans to go to UT, move to Austin, fall in love with TAMU. 

As I plan to visit home in a few days, I'm feeling SO torn on head and heart issues. They aren't on the same page. The Lord will totally deliver His will, open doors, closed doors or whatever needs be on HIS time. I jst need that constant reminder that everything is going EXACTLY as planned, at all times. Even when I can't see the good in any of it, it's the plan, with purpose. 

ANYWHO! Some legit verses on the future :)

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Psalm 37:37

Consider the blameless, observe the upright; there is a future for the man of peace.

Proverbs 23:17-19

Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD. There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off. Listen, my son, and be wise, and keep your heart on the right path.

Ecclesiastes 7:14

When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future.