Moving on Chapter..8?

So at this point, none of you are the LEAST bit surprised that I am on the move again!

I really cannot believe I have lived in another country for 7 months, in the middle east at that. It has been a learning experience but that is an understatement. I have learned so much about myself, my limits, my strengths- both mentally and physically, cultural and lifestyle differences. This has been hands down the greatest experience of my life and I am forever grateful for this opportunity. I am coming back to the states with a new self confidence - in my words, actions, training, and mostly in my coaching. I realize that not everyone is cut out for this kind of adventure, and even I had to cut my time a little bit short. Even so, in my time here, I have visited 3 countries on top of Kuwait, met and worked with individuals from all over the globe, and eaten SO MUCH GOOD FOOD :)

What I am taking away for myself and my future self is to simply continue to be me, not live in any molds that I don't have to, and to love fearlessly. Plain and simple. This life is no one's to dictate; if I want to live in 76 different places by the time I'm thirty, that's ok. If I want to be a crossfit coach, or in retail, or work with kids, or go to school, or be a massage therapist or a chef, or ALL of them, that's ok. I can't feel guilty for this AMAZING life I have been so blessed to live. I can tell you that I am ready to settle down (somewhat ;) ) and create and build my future. I've traveled the world, met the man of my dreams, and now I am ready to build a community and enjoy the first LONG chapter of my life. Life is way to short to be someone you don't enjoy being or live somewhere you aren't 110% made happy by. Life is too short to live in mediocrity or convince yourself you are where you want to be, doing what you want to do. If it no longer ignites your spirit, find what does! Sometimes it surprises us, sometimes we take a long time to believe it ourselves. Money, great company and security is GOOD, but life balance is even better. I wanted to be "all-in", but sometimes we can't convince our brain what our heart already knows.

Do what you love.
And if at some point you fall out of love with it, that's ok.
Find something new and stoke a whole new fire.
Life is like that, it lets you start over.
But life doesn't let you rewind and that's comforting.
Whether it's a broad jump, a hop of the pond, 27 cities in 6 months.. you're going forward.

I'm thankful for so many things coming out of this journey. God has been good to me both literally and metaphorically "in the desert". Without my faith, I'm not sure how the middle east would have been for me. I felt very alone at times, maybe even more so because my beliefs were quite scarce here. But being able to pray and start new everyday was just a comfort I never noticed before. With no local fellowship or church home for 7 months, I am grateful beyond words for a God who listens, friends and family who pray for me and also encourage me. Going home, I am going to cherish the body of Christ and the church more than I ever have. I do hate that it took having little to zero access compared to what I had such a plethora of back  home for me to understand the depth of the church and how she impacts my life. I cannot wait to worship alongside some brothers and sisters in Christ and hug some friends.

The biggest take-away I have in the aspect of my training came from my first injury. About a week before my three week long vacation, I fell down the stairs and severely sprained my ankle. So much so that I passed out afterwards and had to get a back slab cast for a week. BUMMER. It was removed when I was in England, and praise God I could walk on it for the remainder of vacation. But I couldn't train, I could hardly squat. That mentally messed me up; I had been planning on training with these amazing Chinese athletes in Beijing and now all I could do was watch. Coming off of some serious gains finally on the CompTrain and not training for 3 weeks upset me. BUT, coming home and still not being able to train was even worse. Being in pain, range of motion limited, and patience at an all time low- I wanted to quit. Training was a mental mind *&#%. But it is teaching me/has taught me, that I have to be patient and kind with myself and my body. And that pushing through pain is sometimes OK, but sometimes you gotta pump the brakes and not always just "follow the programming".


Thank you for all your love and support the past 7 months while I have been abroad. The packages, letters, messages have been a blessing. I am so excited to start my next journey, but more excited to just relax and breathe for a little bit with family and friends.
I will be home for SURE Aug 31-Sept 9... Lots of job interviews and real life to catch up on after that! I will have my old number when I am back- please reach out to me, there are so many of you I want to connect with!

Texas... I'm sorry :( I won't be seeing you soon.

Grace on grace on grace

"When you're ready for grace, grace will arrive.
If you expect trouble, trouble will run to your door. Seek grace."

This was sent to me this week. It was neither coincidental or cliche, it was needed and necessary.

For over three months, I have been living in a Middle Eastern country. One that, upon arrival, I was very optimistic about being in. Morale was quite high when I got here. In fact, I was pretty gung-ho about a lot of things: finding a church to go to, getting involved there, keeping myself positive, encouraging others, not letting the enemy "eat my stinkin lunch".
Oh hey, but reality is a bit different.
Three months later and I have not crumbled, but turned into a version of myself I am very weary of.

See, all the things I had set out to be never came to fruition. In fact, just about the polar opposite happened. It didn't happen overnight, but over the course of 90 days in the desert, I DID let the enemy eat my stinkin lunch. My attitude changed. Negativity has taken over my thoughts, my words, and my actions. I could sit here and list all the justifications of that negativity, but at the end of the day, I choose how to be- not the people I work with or for, not the country I live in or its culture.
Though I no longer hide a lot of my emotions like I have been known to do in the past, what most people hear and see of me is not encouraging. Speaking of emotions, with my new found negativity, I find myself in tears quite often. Moments of quiet turn into hiding my face because I am overwhelmed with emotion- it just comes out as water from my eyeballs. Moments of quiet used to be my sanity, my sanctuary. Now I can hardly stand the solitude.
Why? In the solitude now, I find myself not with grace and love, but sitting beside anger and rage and selfishness. It makes me physically uncomfortable.

And so that quote.
Sort of hit me like a semi-truck the morning I read it.

I literally just had ANOTHER conversation over my doubts and fears of getting hurt in the future. Pre-desert Sasha didn't do that.
Regardless- I realized that my doubts and fears were just me standing in the middle of the road ASKING for trouble to come. Instead of trusting this person, I just threw their love back in their face, doubting them instead of just allowing them to love me fully. I was creating a problem that didn't even exist. I needed to run to the grace that has already covered my doubts and my fears. The same grace that will cover my change of attitude, loss of heart, my negativity when it comes to my life. I may have let the devil steal my joy, I may have given up, I may have tried to solve things on my own and doubted more than I will ever need to, BUT grace is just sitting there waiting for me to let go and be embraced again. Grace is telling me to trust and be the gentle happy spirit on the inside and outside. Doubt tells me I am going to get hurt, I am never going to be certain, trust will always escape me and I will always let the devil steal my joy.

I say no to that.

I say 90 days is long enough.


As I embark on the next 90 days of this journey, please keep my heart, discernment and future decisions in your prayers. I really look forward to continue writing again and sharing my journey and experience with you all.
I know that where my sin and doubt lived- grace will live even more.

Newness.

I think I would be pretty accurate in stating that this blog has been, oh I guess, 4 years in the making now. You know, the blog where I write about all my adventures ending. All the crazy awesome stuff I inspired people with over the span of 8 moves, twice as many different jobs, 18 times as many new friends, a couple of best friends along the way and a lot of traveling- the end of that era.

It's now.

Cue the "I told you so's."

The state I am in right now is one I have never felt before. I think it's what most people have felt by the time they are my age...heartbreak. My adventure chapter is ending, and my heart is breaking over it.

How do I know it's over?
Because I have changed. My heart has changed. It has changed in a way I can't get back like I used to be able to. I'm not bouncing back. It's like someone literally stuck a vacuum tube straight to my heart and sucked the solo-don't-give-a-damn-adventure life out of it. That was an unnecessary picture, but that's what it feels like.

Here's the kicker- I am also in love -I guess I should mention that. Even though the adventure life has been sucked out, it has been doubly replaced with the L-word.
So there's that. Kind of a doozy. I mean, if you KNOW me, that bomb is a big, lethal deal.
And I'm just sitting here with these two polar opposite feelings and just looking at them. Kind of like being at a family dinner with both your current fiance and your ex-long-term-boyfriend. Weird. Don't do that.

Most of the time, I run from the latter. I run from the feeling of being alive, I run from the feeling, thought, sound, taste and anything else to do with love. I find my aliveness in being gone. I THINK I am alive in my adventure. So instead of literally running away, I am looking love straight in the eyeballs. It's scary and I have found myself saying things I never thought I would say and doing things I used to roll my eyes at when I saw others doing or saying in public. But that's what love does to one I suppose.

Yes, the chapter of my forever alone adventures is ending quietly. I will miss those days, but I cannot spend the entirety of my time running away from life and calling it adventure number X, trying to recreate all those moments and keep searching for new ones. I especially cannot do this when love has fallen right into my lap. A new chapter has already started and I don't want to miss a second of it.

Nothing greater

There is nothing greater than sharing love.

For most people, if they think hard enough, this statement rings true. It rings true in many different colors and scenarios and portrayals.
I believe the most skewed part about how love is viewed today though, is that it takes two or more. To love means the party as a whole benefits. To love means we make each other happy. To love means others will later serve me.

No, love goes and does. Love is leading without followers. Love gives without recognition. Love is hands and feet. Love isn't convenient. Love goes the second mile. What makes sharing love so great is this: it's one thing which doesn't need to be reciprocated to be enjoyed. There is no expectation in love. Love just does.

As much as I want to enwrap myself around such humble and wonderful statements, I know it's difficult- and difficult is an understatement.

These are the things which float in my head daily to remind me to love this kind of love:

- I have received the greatest gift known to man. I want everyone to desire the same light I have. But, if my light is ungrateful and deceitful (amongst other things), why would they want my love or the True Love I have known? My light may be the only light people encounter. That's heavy. But, I am just humbled and grateful to be the vessel.

- I have nothing to lose. I am confident in the Love I have chosen. Because of that, I can give freely and without expectation. Why keep that to myself?

- This is what I was made for. I was made to know God and make Him known. How do you make known the greatest love that has ever walked the earth? You love.

- It's fun. The joy from loving on someone gives me a high fifty times greater than PRing on a lift.

- It's an adventure. Sharing love with people leads to some interesting stories. 

Learnings Continue

Anyone who has read my blog - or pieces of my blog from day one, until now, has learned a couple of things about me. Things which have all evolved within the past three-ish years of my nomadic, "easy breezy", lily-pad-hopping life. I've grown into my skin and more importantly I have grown into the very passions I discovered along the way. My journey to Kuwait has really been no different.

What I've learned.

I'm no superhero, inspirational-quote-worthy social media star, or super tough chick. I really think some of you believe otherwise, but let's set the record straight: I'm made up of more whimsy and giggles than anything else. The crazier my life seems to appear to you all, the simpler I become. But somehow, however simple I may feel, my life has served as an inspiration to important people in my life - and to total strangers. It makes my fingertips flutter across the keyboard to know that. I do back flips inside when a sweet soul tells me [MY] crazy little life was the spark for something greater. It's humbling and I get so much stinking joy from seeing other's adventures and hearing their stories about following their heart and falling in love with life. Like, WHAT? You people are crazy. Not me. YOU. And I love it. Continue, please. Ya'll sure are brave for playing follow the leader with this whimsy-giggly-crossfitter. I pray as my life inspires and I grasp the fact it does so, it would bring light. A light that is much, much greater than my life.

What I've learned part 2.

I am in love with my Creator. Though my walk with Christ is not the "married-by-24-kids-by-27" life plan I had wrote and prayed for, FERVENTLY, since I can remember..it's surpassed the plan. He has shown me, although my life plan was precious and beautiful and good, He had a much bigger plan which was tailor made for me. He had a bigger plan before I ever discovered my "married-by-24-kids-by-27" was not for me, not yet. I am still learning to understand His ways, accept His grace - and give it. And LOVE! When you stop planning the timeline of your life, something happens. You enjoy it. You love it. Not just a "yeah today was great" love. A belly-deep chuckle where you can't catch your breath kind of love. The kind of love that wakes you up at 5am and you can't help but smile because genuine joy sorta seeps out of you. Saying goodbye to checklists and expectations meant I was free to give and receive the purest kind of love, without any kind of IOU or agenda. It doesn't always come back to me, but I serve a God whose arms reach longer than the shortcomings of me or those around me. Win, win.
Just give it.

I know some of you were expecting to hear about Kuwait, but this is how it is coming out. I've never been traditional. So don't expect a timeline with photos and descriptions of my time here. It would belittle the experience by going through the timeline of the past week and the month prior. The photos will come, the stories will come. For now, know that my heart is filled.

For those who have offered to pray for me while I am here - pray that I would be salt and light, hands and feet.


LGLP.

Why I hate cookie cutters

SKIM AND READ BOLD ONLY FOR A SUMMARY. This puppy is LONG.

Let's face it cookie cutters SUCK. I don't mean the colorful shapes cutting your homemade dough (be honest, you bought it) into snowmen and animals and hearts and other fun things to decorate.
I mean the cookie cutters of life. Mainly post 18-year old American life.

Here's my favorite list of them. And by favorite I mean, absolute most bogus (in no particular order).
Not sure why I am feeling pretty fiery about this tonight, so be warned: ZERO FILTER.
And remember folks, I am no expert on any of these. I just have an opinion and I am more than willing to voice it.

1. Graduate high school and go to college.
Right, because our country needs MORE than 37 million people adding to the $1,011,654,459,649 in total outstanding loan debt right now. Countless stories can be found of motivated students and their co-signer parents who wound up declaring bankruptcy because the monthly payments were impossible. The jobs their degrees WERE for either didn't exist, weren't hiring or only hiring "with experience". Don't tell me I need a degree to do the work I want to do -guess what else they want, a little thing called life. Experience in the field. Hands on learning. A degree doesn't get you that. Your degree got your foot in the door, his experience got him the job.

I know this can be rebutted profusely, but in short-the debt isn't worth it. Unless you follow your passions to becoming a doctor or a lawyer etc. where the degree and experience go hand in hand, why not just go find an internship after high school and work your way up? It would be a shit ton less debt. Even getting multiple certifications (cosmetology, hair, carpentry, etc) to discover what you actually might be passionate about could cost less than uni-debt-land.

Not that I have any room to give parenting advice, buuuut I nannied for awhile so it almost counts. Force your kids to eat veggies, not go to college. With that being said, also don't let your kid be a mooch off you until he's 40. HELLUUUR. Advocate for your children as soon as you can- help them discover what they love. Give them the space to be themselves, create themselves and be the man or woman of God they are called to be. Even if it's not what you envisioned. The worst feeling for a child is knowing they disappointed their parents. Don't set that bar there, live in the possibility that your child is going to discover what they're passionate about and they'll tackle it with every fiber in their being. Can you imagine what they'd be capable of if they had that kind of support?


2. Get married, by a house and go on vacations.
Pass. I don't even feel like writing about this one anymore. It's been so viral on the internet and that deflates all my interest in writing about it.
I will say, wherever you are at, be content there. Don't rush a thing. *notetoself*

3. Graduate from college and get a "big boy" job.
Refer to Number 1.
Also..are you freakin kidding me!? You just spent the last 4, okay 5, years of your life inside freezing dingy classrooms and now you have on "real world" goggles? You did not pay $27,000 to get a degree AND get brainwashed. For the love of the world, you're (probably) 23 years old, single and haven't been to 90% of the world, and if you have, skip this one entirely.
Why lock yourself in to corporate America so soon? You can't even afford the suits yet. Get a temp job, a couple of roommates, maybe eat ramen.. but SAVE some money (I know, the loan payments suck, but I won't say told ya so). And then go with said roommate to a new land. Maybe it's the other coast, maybe it's Croatia, maybe it's a volunteer trip. I don't know, but you need that more than you need that resume sent to 900 CEOs or whatever.
See the world. See the world. See the world. 
Open your eyes to some culture. Corporate America and classy suits will be there. Shoot, maybe you'll discover your dream job along the way.

4. Go on a honeymoon somewhere beautiful.
Contrary to the last post, I find honeymoons to be like the puppy strollers that litter the Boca Town Center Mall: unnecessary, overdone.
How about you and your new wifey go on a mission trip together. Or invest that money in the life of an orphan. Or find something that the two of you have huge hearts for and support that. It's like fancy beautiful honeymoons happen because they "are supposed to be". Nooo. You probably blew a pretty penny on that wedding (THAT's another post) so boot the honeymoon.
*You'rewelcomefuturehusband*


5. Mannequins, numbers and sizes interpret what you should look like.
I overheard women yesterday while I was at work saying something along the lines of, "Well, yeah, that's cute, but not everyone looks like that. Nobody is really built like that. Get real.", says the 90 pound yogi to her friend. Bitch, please.
There is NO mannequin that can please everyone. You know how many mannequins we would have on our walls if we did? And someone would still get left out. Be realistic - that mannequin serves to show you what a FREAKIN PAIR OF YOGA PANTS LOOK LIKE, not what you should look like, not what you should weigh and not how tall you should be. If you think they serve to show you the latter then reading my blog is probably step one to waking you the eff up.
If you want cake, eat it. Don't whine about our mannequins for making you feel inadequate though. 


6. Sugarcoating unhealthy and/or obese OR super-fit and healthy, because everyone deserves to be "_____" (insert happy feel good phrase here.)


7. Cookie cutter houses are THE biggest offender. Get the H outta here. blech.


...maybe to be continued

Little People Closet For Sale

Purging the "stuff" before I go to Kuwait. If any of my fellow petite lady friends would like anything, please let me know! I also have a few bedroom pieces of furniture. We can haggle a price ;)

Gianni Bini size 6

Francesca's size S

Minuet size S

As U Wish size S

I.N San Francisco size 5 (missing button clasp)

Alyn Paige NY size 3/4 (discoloration from a purse on right armpit)

OC OC size 0

Cotton On size XS

Peppermint size S

J. Crew size XS

White House Black Market size S

White House Black Market size M

bebe size S

Handmade by Paige Arms Approx size 2/4

Chelsea Violet size S

Left to right: Gray White House Black Market size 4, White eyelet Anne Taylor LOFT size 0, J.Crew Blue shorts size 2, Lucky Brand bermudas size 4, Gray and Pink Hot Kiss shorts size 1/3?, Almost Famous denim cutoffs size 3/5?

Hi/Lo XXI skirt size S

J.Crew High Waisted sailor pants, never wore them way too big for me. Size 4

XXI skirts lace size M, solid red size S and red/white size 27

Left to right: Anne Taylor LOFT high waisted jeans (hemmed) size 0, Anne Taylor LOFT Mint jeans size 0, Anne Taylor LOFT orange crops 2 petite, a.n.a white crops size 4 petite, GAP skinny jeans with tiny white polka dots size 0

Reaaaallllly vintage boots. I think they are a size 6 or 7W.

Night Stand (needs to be glossed or repainted..DYI fail haha)

Desk/Vanity and Stool

Storage Drawers

IKEA book shelf

Random Lamp

Artwork

Q8: Not Facetious

Which one is not like the others:

Move to San Antonio: May 2011
Move within San Antonio: October 2011
Move to Austin: April 2012
Move to Boca Raton: August 2012
Move to Tampa: February 2013
Move to Austin (again): August 2013
Move to Kuwait: February 2014

HOLY POOP.

It's the last one, in case you were wondering. Wanna know why it's not like the others?
Duh, it's another continent.
BUT, it's also a commitment for and to the future, not just a stepping stone to get me to part B or C of life. Ground floor of new possibilities. Threshold of opportunities. Beginning of a new role- same Coach Sasha, different game plan. Canvas for creation.
Cheers to Kuwait 2014.


Now rewind..for those of you who are just joining and hearing this for the first time:
Yes, I am moving to Kuwait. Because I was recruited for a pretty amazing opportunity doing exactly what I love to do. (If you don't know what I love to do then you are probably a really poor friend.)
No, I'm not going to get stoned there because I'm American, but thanks for asking.
Yes, it's Islamic and they wear those "head thingys" you speak of.
Yep, dry country too.
I will be there for at least a year.
Yes, a WHOLE year.
Sure, I'll miss things and people. But Austin will be here when I get back. Lululemon will be here when I get back. Crossfit will be here when I get back. Heck, even Barton Springs will be here when I get back. 'Merica ain't goin anywhere just cause I am.
Yes, I can still be a Christian there. Yes, I intend to take my faith with me (am I supposed to leave it in my seat on the place ride over or something?)
Yes, I can go to church there, be a light there, be hands and feet there and LOVE the snot out of those people. I can and will.

Capiche?!



(If you are a true friend, or just like mail, and would like to do me a HUGE favor, send me your mailing address. No, I don't have to rely on snail mail in Kuwait, but I would love to write a lot more letters before I go.) If you don't like snail mail..go home.