Yes, it's about you mister

This blog is not coming from the heart of a Proverbs 31 woman right now. This blog is coming from a hurt, slightly broken, and confused girl who is at the breaking point. What gives?

In my lifetime, I have saved a lot of things. Relationships and anything to do with them is one of those things. At first, it was because I wasn't allowed to date and my parents were weird and strict and awkward about guys. Then it was because I wanted to be pursued exactly how God intended and be the woman God created me to be. Then it was because reality hit me THREE times in the face and let me know that the relationship waters are tainted and to stay away.

Not just three stupid encounters with random people. No, not just three dumb, human "Sasha what were you thinking" moments. Three solid, Godly guys that I may or may not have completely let my guard down for. Condensed version. Ready? Word vomit: One fell off the face of the earth and then BAM 6 months later, married. Once I finally realized again that there were other good people on the planet I tried again. This one didn't get married, I just straight up got lied to and ditched for another girl. WWJD? And lastly a charmer, who tainted the relationship and marriage waters for sure. What guy talks to you about baby names he likes and then drops the "I'm still in love with her" bomb? WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?
I'm sorry, I guess I'm the mother freakin idiot for buying into a second of any of it. And I'm sorry for all of you who read this for encouragement.. but this is real life. Shit hits the fan. People are human and sometimes they are awful mean, inconsiderate humans. I understand mistakes. I understand human error.. but messing with someone's heart is foul play and dangerous territory. Shame on me for not having my guard up? I'm sorry, the Godly facade I fell for kind of threw me off. Next time I'll just have them read this first and if they stick around I should be good. I'm like Taylor Swift but with blogs, not songs.
I'm tired of people asking me if I'm dating or why I'm single; or telling me that God has the perfect guy picked out for me. Listen here, the poor man that God has picked out for me is gonna have about 10 walls of Jericho to knock down before he even sees my heart, courtesy of the three gents I so naively fell for. It's not fair to him.
Gentleman, grow some cahones and either A) Be man enough to turn her down in the first place; don't just pretend to enjoy dating her out on convenience B) Don't ever talk about future things if you're hiding past things C) If you want to leave, SAY SO. Falling off the face of the earth is the worst 'what if' game a girl can play in her head. You come nowhere near your spotless reputation when you treat a woman that way (neither do I with this blog, but beyond the point!) If you CLAIM chivalry and being a Godly man... hello it's expected. (And ladies, nothing wrong with expecting that!)

If you couldn't tell, I am angry. Hurt, but mostly angry. And for the record, none of these gentleman had enough of me to break my heart. Not that girl. If you know me, you know I am a control freak. And this kind of thing, being something I never controlled and that came totally out of left field..makes me so mad. Goood grief. Maybe the guilt end on their part sucks as bad as this, but I highly doubt that.