Forever and ever and ever

I have been talking to some important people in my life lately about all of the aspects of "The Life of Sash". Which let me tell ya.. has been humbling and not very multifaceted. Behind all my cool crap I do on the outside (at least I feel like it's cool haha) I am so incredibly simple. And that scares me. 
Okay, everything is on the table, blog is done. I'm done. Right?

NO, no. 

Ahh simplicity.
So why does simplicity scare me? What is wrong with being a simple human being?
Here's a stab- I've discovered recently that people are beginning to figure me out. Some of my little quirks and flaws, they have them pinned down to a T. CRAP MAN! It's relatable to that "backed into a corner" feeling. Like nowwww what? I have nothing left to pull out of my hat. I'm just left with me. The quirks, the flaws, the unnecessary parts of me are out in the open and I'm not sure if I like who is left. I'm not sure if I know the girl who is left. I know who she is supposed to be. What she is supposed to wear. Where she should find herself. And what kind of fellowship she should find herself amongst. But I fall where in that cluster?
Identity is something I find conflicting, intriguing, and just stinkin baffling. Yeah, I used that word.
I know you agree. So, gimme an "amen". Even you Bible thumpers, meditation mortals, and crabby creatures (catchy right?!) who think you know. You've been told a million times, right? So, you understand and you KNOW your identity inside out, forwards, backwards, and sideways.. Do you?

In one aspect, I agree. It's as simple as they told you and me. For me it was, "Your identity is found in Christ. No man's arms will ever be long enough to satisfy you like the Father. You are a daughter of the King!" That was my identity catch. But five years later, I don't question it's authenticity, I question it's meaning. I accepted this identity, but I don't think anyone else sees that. I've accepted this identity as my own, but I don't think it's portrayed- even 75% of the time. So then, is it really an identity? Can something partially done be an identity? Saying your identity is in "______" doesn't make it so. It doesn't make other people associate said identity with you. It doesn't make you feel any different either. 

On the other side, it's not that simple. My identity is more than painting the perfect image of a Godly woman and aspiring to be her (these are GREAT things, don't get me wrong. But identity? No). My identity is ME. Yes, I'm aspiring to be a Proverbs 31. Yes, I'm aspiring to be a Ruth patiently waiting and praying for her Boaz. But my identity is ME. All the quirks, the flaws, the unnecessary crap I do. That's me. The way God wired Sasha Rihana Arms. And when you take it all away, it's still me. But I can't say what my identity is. I can't tell ya it's found in one spot. It's ALL OVER THE FREAKIN PLACE! 

I know this totally contradicts every womanly Bible lesson I have ever received, but this is much more realistic to enact in my life. Holding Proverbs 31 characteristics on this crazy pedestal is dandy, but it can be daunting sometimes. It can make what is SUPPOSED to be a great and wonderful "identity" turn into something that seems unachievable and like you're failing (amen or oh me?). Unless you are the woman in Proverbs 31, I don't think that can be your ultimate, singular identity. God created you with so many other facets! I know He loves that I love Him, but He also loves that I love His people and His world and the way we all interact. Please call me out on this if you think otherwise.

Don't make your said identity something you are not. Your identity is you. You strive to glorify God. Pray for His will. Be His hands and feet. But don't let an identity crisis hold you back from being you and who you were created to be. Which, let me tell you, you weren't created to be perfect. Stop trying. HE already lived that life. Isn't that the best part? WE don't have to live up to perfection. Daughters of Christ, you are found in Him whether you breathe it in every aspect of your day, or if you lose your marbles on a daily basis. You are HIS. You have your OWN identity in and through Him. We are not all Marthas or Marys, but we are all loved and cherished the same.  


Non preoccuparti, sii felice!