Quick lil tid bit since the last blog post.
YA'LL.
Okay here's the nugget story:
I committed to ATX. Said ehh maybe be there for Christmas. God said, uh no, you go NOW and you trust me to get you there, provide everything you need, and handle all of your human worries.
So I did.
I've got a super rad place to live in East side, I have the ability to transfer my current job PLUS He's given me 4 other options for work when I get there. Like seriously?! HOW does that happen? I was so afraid I would be unemployed entirely and now I get to pick which job I want. GOD IS GOOD. And so so so so stinkin faithful!
My best friend is going to drive with me from Tampa to Austin (bless her heart!).
And my other best friend will be in Austin when I get there.
I have an amazing family and community of friends ready for my return.
My heart is over flowing. Finally leaving my "Egypt" time! ... for all you consistent blog readers.
My last day at lululemon Hyde Park Village is July 28. I leave July 29 for Austin.
I have this Saturday and next Saturday off so if ya wanna see me before I go, let me know.
I know God is writing my story, and He placed ALL of you in my life at the right time. Tampa was not expected, this entire journey has been so blind. But I have the best guide, I know that!
Anyways, without getting too sappy and emotional cause I don't do that well always.. you all know who you are. My biggest supporters, the ones who pushed me even when you just wanted me to stay put. The ones who butted heads with me to break down my barriers and develop me. The friends old and new who made me laugh and feel loved. The people who let me be a part of their life. You let me play a role in some way and I don't take that for granted. Everyone who listened to all my crazy thoughts and ideas and wants and stuck around long enough to see me follow through with one. And to those who kicked me to the curb when I stopped living for pleasing others and started checking goals off my list, thank you for pushing me, when your words were only meant to hinder.
So long Tampa.
I'm going home, and this time I plan on staying put.
Texas, get the hell ready!
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Purpose
For me the word purpose is far to close to proposal. And right now I would have thought that p-word would have already happened for me. God has a great sense of humor. Actually, God just has a great plan. I'm so very thankful all the "I thought I wanted this to happen by nows" haven't come to fruition. Praise God I'm not steering this ship.
Anyways, I haven't posted in a while. Mainly because I haven't been in a place to share. Some of the things taking place in my life HAVE been share worthy, but some people ruined that for the rest of you, so I have kept lots more to myself. The ones who DO know the current events in my life, thank you for non-judgement and support even if you don't understand entirely. I am incredibly grateful. God placed you all in my life to get me through when He knows a lot of people wouldn't even try to "get it".
The rest of this post is mainly to connect the dots for some of you. The easier way for me to do that isn't always verbal or 100% through writing. I've been coming across some of those great motivational pictures and quotes lately, adding them to a folder and later reading them all over. Many of them piece together the story that has become my life or parts of it. With each one is an explanation of why it fits right now.
"You cannot always wait for the perfect time, sometimes you just dare to jump."
This quote can wrap most of me up in a nutshell. Many of you know me as spontaneous sash. If you've known me longer than a month you've probably said, wait where are you going this weekend?!
I have a tendency to go. Anywhere and everywhere. The not knowing drives me, where in most people it scares them. I can only do so resting in Gods provision. I think in the past 6 months though, I lost sight of that. I lost my knack for going, doing and being. I slipped back into that comfort zone that I so feared before. I started to live for others. I started to live to fix things, places and people. But you can't live a moment this way. It's not living, it's misery. People places and things were not meant to be fixed. They were meant to be, and then be enjoyed, savored.
And fast forward to now. Realizing I can't fix things. I'm going to simply praise God by living. I am not the fixer, healer, or mender, God is. I need to trust Him with every aspect of my life, even if it means that my life looks like a giant circle to people, I just have to trust. It's not a circle or a loop, it's the path He needed me to take to learn to trust whole heartedly. There are going to be people who are going to be very angry with me, people who are very hurt by this, and that is hard for me to manage, but I have to go where He has placed my heart and my passions. I can't stay for selfish reasons or for others. I tried. It doesn't work.
With this being said, the image on intuition seems fitting. Gut feelings were created by God, not man. I've gone against these many times. I've gone with them sometimes dragging my heels. In the end, the gut feeling is great. Learn to accept it.
The amazing moments in life. When I came across this photo for the first time I had a big smile on my face. Those things all make me warm and cozy inside. It quickly faded as I realized many of these moments were either missing from my life or not being recognized; I wasn't present for them. When I reread numbers 8 and 9, I think it was in that moment I wanted to change how I was making my decisions in life. I no longer wanted to allow myself to stifle feelings or passions. I no longer wanted to spend time on anyone else's agenda for my life. And I couldn't even meet my own standards for myself, I failed my own expectations and I was over it.
Many of you might be wondering how any of these are true. How are my passions stifled? Aren't I doing what I love? Technically, yes.
I could continue to do "life" just like I've been doing it since February. I could continue to grow and develop into what might be an awesome leader and coach. But instead, I want to take a few steps in the other direction. Follow my steps back to exactly where I was one year ago. Relive the struggle and confusion as I tried so desperately on my own to make my life pan out "the way I planned". I was failing at the life I had planned out and I couldn't stand it. So I gave up. And now what has God placed on my heart? The strength to go back with absolutely nothing and trust He will provide. The humility to allow the body of Christ to be there for me. The joy to accept the fact that I will never succeed in meeting all of the needs around me, and it's ok, it's not failing. The stillness that I can present my life as purely as possible to those around me and not worry how they interpret or perceive it. If there's an issue with my living, then you might have an issue with my God, not just me. I'm going to trust and follow Him with everything I have.
This has been a pride issue. A big nasty pride issue. But let's face it guys, I'm just as human as the rest of this planet. Sometimes we go in circles, sometimes we go backwards, but when I have Christ leading, neither seems like a bad thing.
Understand that my leaving again has nothing to do with a job or family or friends. It's a heart thing. If you can understand that or even if you can't, I hope you can support me and lift my continuing journey up in prayer. Gods providing every single day, every step of the way.
Anyways, I haven't posted in a while. Mainly because I haven't been in a place to share. Some of the things taking place in my life HAVE been share worthy, but some people ruined that for the rest of you, so I have kept lots more to myself. The ones who DO know the current events in my life, thank you for non-judgement and support even if you don't understand entirely. I am incredibly grateful. God placed you all in my life to get me through when He knows a lot of people wouldn't even try to "get it".
The rest of this post is mainly to connect the dots for some of you. The easier way for me to do that isn't always verbal or 100% through writing. I've been coming across some of those great motivational pictures and quotes lately, adding them to a folder and later reading them all over. Many of them piece together the story that has become my life or parts of it. With each one is an explanation of why it fits right now.
"You cannot always wait for the perfect time, sometimes you just dare to jump."
This quote can wrap most of me up in a nutshell. Many of you know me as spontaneous sash. If you've known me longer than a month you've probably said, wait where are you going this weekend?!
I have a tendency to go. Anywhere and everywhere. The not knowing drives me, where in most people it scares them. I can only do so resting in Gods provision. I think in the past 6 months though, I lost sight of that. I lost my knack for going, doing and being. I slipped back into that comfort zone that I so feared before. I started to live for others. I started to live to fix things, places and people. But you can't live a moment this way. It's not living, it's misery. People places and things were not meant to be fixed. They were meant to be, and then be enjoyed, savored.
And fast forward to now. Realizing I can't fix things. I'm going to simply praise God by living. I am not the fixer, healer, or mender, God is. I need to trust Him with every aspect of my life, even if it means that my life looks like a giant circle to people, I just have to trust. It's not a circle or a loop, it's the path He needed me to take to learn to trust whole heartedly. There are going to be people who are going to be very angry with me, people who are very hurt by this, and that is hard for me to manage, but I have to go where He has placed my heart and my passions. I can't stay for selfish reasons or for others. I tried. It doesn't work.
With this being said, the image on intuition seems fitting. Gut feelings were created by God, not man. I've gone against these many times. I've gone with them sometimes dragging my heels. In the end, the gut feeling is great. Learn to accept it.
The amazing moments in life. When I came across this photo for the first time I had a big smile on my face. Those things all make me warm and cozy inside. It quickly faded as I realized many of these moments were either missing from my life or not being recognized; I wasn't present for them. When I reread numbers 8 and 9, I think it was in that moment I wanted to change how I was making my decisions in life. I no longer wanted to allow myself to stifle feelings or passions. I no longer wanted to spend time on anyone else's agenda for my life. And I couldn't even meet my own standards for myself, I failed my own expectations and I was over it.
Many of you might be wondering how any of these are true. How are my passions stifled? Aren't I doing what I love? Technically, yes.
I could continue to do "life" just like I've been doing it since February. I could continue to grow and develop into what might be an awesome leader and coach. But instead, I want to take a few steps in the other direction. Follow my steps back to exactly where I was one year ago. Relive the struggle and confusion as I tried so desperately on my own to make my life pan out "the way I planned". I was failing at the life I had planned out and I couldn't stand it. So I gave up. And now what has God placed on my heart? The strength to go back with absolutely nothing and trust He will provide. The humility to allow the body of Christ to be there for me. The joy to accept the fact that I will never succeed in meeting all of the needs around me, and it's ok, it's not failing. The stillness that I can present my life as purely as possible to those around me and not worry how they interpret or perceive it. If there's an issue with my living, then you might have an issue with my God, not just me. I'm going to trust and follow Him with everything I have.
This has been a pride issue. A big nasty pride issue. But let's face it guys, I'm just as human as the rest of this planet. Sometimes we go in circles, sometimes we go backwards, but when I have Christ leading, neither seems like a bad thing.
Understand that my leaving again has nothing to do with a job or family or friends. It's a heart thing. If you can understand that or even if you can't, I hope you can support me and lift my continuing journey up in prayer. Gods providing every single day, every step of the way.
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