Happy Happy Happy

There has been a smile glued to my face for the past 48 hours. In that time I have cried really ugly tears, hugged really tight, laughed really hard and been in so much gratitude for the life I have to live.
Let me tell you why.

As a human being, I am not wired to think positive, happy thoughts upon a mistake or poor decision I make. In fact, I am a part of the minority of people who simmer on those poor decisions for as long as possible; steeping in my guilt and disappointment. But as a daughter of the King, in midst of these choices, I have learned something so precious and so beautiful. Something that I know I will fall away from again and maybe numerous times over, but it will never leave me.
The dirt of my life can't cover up the faithfulness of my Savior. It can't touch it. They have absolutely nothing in common. His faithfulness, grace, and love for me are SO great, the impurities of my life could never be "too big" for Him. The time spent bashing myself over the head for the way I have lived is time that could be spent running to the WIDE open arms of Jesus.

The suffering has already been done for me. When I choose to mope in my unfaithfulness, and deny my true worth, I am forgetting every thorn, every lash, and those nails that were already bore for me. I am forgetting the suffering of my Savior, because I am choosing to look at my lack instead of looking at His love. See, it's not about me getting better at doing good. It's not all about me being more encouraging, a better giver, a kinder tongue. Newsflash: I'm not EVER going to be "good" enough. Neither are you. It's hard for me to accept this way of thinking. That my life doesn't need to be a cycle of wrong, wrong, promises to never do it again, doing okay for awhile, failing, wrong, more promises, more failing, feeling guilty and undeserving - repeat. The sin and wrongfulness will live inside of me forever, I have to choose to see His faithfulness over it when I fall. I WILL fall. You WILL fall. We all fall. Choose to sit in your sin, beat yourself up about being a "bad Christian", or accept the gift that has been so freely given already- the price has already been paid.
Don't overlook that grace.
Don't miss out on that faithfulness.

"When I saw you I was ashamed
You were pure and I was stained
But you ran to me and you called my name
There were tears of joy upon your face"

Our guilt and beating ourselves up is not what the Lord desires for us. He died so we can be free from the hold of sin.

And that's why I am smiling today, tomorrow and forever. I don't have to plan my way back to "the good Sash". The way has already been made. The faithfulness of my Savior will forever trump my sinfulness and that's where I am finding my joy today.