TO BE CONT'D:)
If you classify yourself as a prude, this may not be the post for you. That is all.
Collaboration of my fave DBPB:
Dear perfect boyfriend,
Welcome to the club!
Sincerely, Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny and The Tooth Fairy
Dear french fry,
I know our love is unusual, but it works.
Sincerely, frosty.
Dear Secular World and Every Guy I've Been On A Date With,
Please stop being so appalled that I'm 24 and have chosen to remain a virgin until marriage. It's not a disease, and I'm fully aware of what I'm "missing out" on.
Sincerely, Clean Vagina
Dear mom,
If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it's because it was my idea.
Sincerely, your daughter is a leader not a follower.
Dear perverted men at the gym,
There are mirrors on every wall, I can see you staring at me.
Sincerely, annoyed female.
Dear car in front of me,
You may know where you live, but I don't.
Sincerely, blinker or GTFO
Dear Women,
Please stop thinking you have to be a size 0 to be beautiful. Those magazines got it all wrong, no one ever told them that beauty is also on the inside. Be confident and happy with yourself. Some guy out there is going to fall in love with everything about you.
Sincerely, a real man
Dear feet,
Please forgive me.
Sincerely, these shoes are just so pretty.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Good Morning Blues
This postsecret made my heart smile real stinkin big:
Lead Belly, courtesy of my Survey of Jazz class.
"First thing I'm gonna do's goin be blues.
When you lay down at night and can't sleep you roll from one side of bed all night to the other - Somethin got you.
when you get up in the mornin sit on the side of your bed with your hands on your head - still somethin got ya.
When you go to sit down at the table look down in your plate but you hesitate and you walk away
You couldnt sleep and ya cant eat. Somethin got ya itha blues."
Lead Belly, courtesy of my Survey of Jazz class.
"First thing I'm gonna do's goin be blues.
When you lay down at night and can't sleep you roll from one side of bed all night to the other - Somethin got you.
when you get up in the mornin sit on the side of your bed with your hands on your head - still somethin got ya.
When you go to sit down at the table look down in your plate but you hesitate and you walk away
You couldnt sleep and ya cant eat. Somethin got ya itha blues."
Thursday, January 20, 2011
ILPS.
I always noticed how funny some of the image titles are for Post Secret Images when I save them. Like the first one is called youngobama.jpeg. hahahaha, makes me love PS even more.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Wait for it.
I don't know if I'll ever really learn anything in this life. I feel as if I know what I'm going to and have always known, and everything else is just irrelevant. Pretty contradictory for someone who wants to teach calculus some day. But honestly, what are we really learning? Is learning memorizing 14 formulas an hour before the exam? Or is learning knowing the meaning of any biology term thrown at you, all the elements in chemistry or even knowing every date with historical meaning under a given context? Is that really learning? Some might say learning is facing your first fear and conquering it- finishing the race with a sprained ankle, asking that girl to marry you, pushing through the last minute of your performance even though 5 minutes before you went on, a teammate walked off. Is that learning, or does it go even farther? Is learning when you hit life's first mountain. The time when it feels like a "quarter life" crisis. One could argue that you learn the most in those lessons- Endurance, motivation, patience, faith and trust, all in which build your "character". None of these are wrong perspectives of learning, but are they all that's there for us?
Learning, like our perspective of self, cannot mean anything apart from God.
That rock certainly will make a lot of ripples in the pond of life. If we are to be in Him, and He is with us always, does this not pertain to what knowledge we will gain? That He is to be the foundation of what we are putting in our brains and that He is to be near us when we are filling our brains with it? Whether man made knowledge of techno gadgets or literary criticism, or spirit filled devotions and commentary, it changes not. If we claim this life of devotion and dedication, why is it put on hold for 15 hours a week due to "in class" status. Or the ten hours at work, or the 3 hours studying, or the 2 hours watching the news and Housewives. I find ways to make the number one thing in my "about me" to be the last thing on my list in daily reality. WHY have we, why have I, isolated everything I do from the one who gave it all to me?! I short change my savior, is that how it works now?
No. no. NO.
Learning. It's in Him, it's by Him, it's through Him. I learn nothing without the infinite grace of my savior. By the grading scale at USF, sure, I've learned a lot (some classes more than others) but what have I gained? I learn most when I sit in the quiet of a devotion, but I don't. I learn most in the fellowship of humble believers, but I surpass the opportunity for social gain. I learn most in the ache of recurring trials, but I don't because I'm busy feeling sorry for myself or asking WHY; instead of thanking Him for my very breath and looking to the sky, the clouds, the birds, the things He created for ME to enjoy. I can't get over a human ache, but He gave me all this? I don't understand how He still loves me. But He does and He will. And that's enough alone for my mind to ever need to fathom. But He'll teach us more if we let Him.
Put on different eyes tomorrow. Try looking at that annoying bird out your window and realizing God made it just for your enjoyment. When life spills coffee on your shirt, just try to make a shape out of the stain and smile..I mean the stain isn't going anywhere. Let God teach you something.
Learning, like our perspective of self, cannot mean anything apart from God.
That rock certainly will make a lot of ripples in the pond of life. If we are to be in Him, and He is with us always, does this not pertain to what knowledge we will gain? That He is to be the foundation of what we are putting in our brains and that He is to be near us when we are filling our brains with it? Whether man made knowledge of techno gadgets or literary criticism, or spirit filled devotions and commentary, it changes not. If we claim this life of devotion and dedication, why is it put on hold for 15 hours a week due to "in class" status. Or the ten hours at work, or the 3 hours studying, or the 2 hours watching the news and Housewives. I find ways to make the number one thing in my "about me" to be the last thing on my list in daily reality. WHY have we, why have I, isolated everything I do from the one who gave it all to me?! I short change my savior, is that how it works now?
No. no. NO.
Learning. It's in Him, it's by Him, it's through Him. I learn nothing without the infinite grace of my savior. By the grading scale at USF, sure, I've learned a lot (some classes more than others) but what have I gained? I learn most when I sit in the quiet of a devotion, but I don't. I learn most in the fellowship of humble believers, but I surpass the opportunity for social gain. I learn most in the ache of recurring trials, but I don't because I'm busy feeling sorry for myself or asking WHY; instead of thanking Him for my very breath and looking to the sky, the clouds, the birds, the things He created for ME to enjoy. I can't get over a human ache, but He gave me all this? I don't understand how He still loves me. But He does and He will. And that's enough alone for my mind to ever need to fathom. But He'll teach us more if we let Him.
Put on different eyes tomorrow. Try looking at that annoying bird out your window and realizing God made it just for your enjoyment. When life spills coffee on your shirt, just try to make a shape out of the stain and smile..I mean the stain isn't going anywhere. Let God teach you something.
Monday, January 10, 2011
last time.
Thank you God for always leading me where I need to be, when I need to be there. Thanks for simple reminders when I think anything about myself- that I shouldn't think about myself apart from you, ever, good or bad. Thank you for people who understand when I don't. Thank you for reminding me that this is nothing, and life could always be worse, and is worse for someone, somewhere out there. That I have a beautiful life no matter how many crooked lines are drawn in it. That maybe things get worse before they get better, but they always get better. Thank you that I'm not perfect. Thank you for being perfect for me. Thank you for being able to do anything through me. Thank you for being the only one I can trust in. Thank you for shutting so many doors numerous times. Thank you for opening every door that I thought was too plain for my life. Thanks for proving me wrong, thanks for loving me.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Absolutely Nothing.
I sat there in the pitch black darkness and cold of the night and just tried to think. But nothing came to mind, for the thousandth time. No feeling, no ideas, not good nor bad. It was just nothing. And as I sat there in the pitch black and in the silence of the itty bitty town that surrounded me, I began to believe it. I began to believe that feeling nothing was the only thing relevant and consistent in my life. And besides that, I'm realizing that the nothingness that surrounds me and is me, is creeping out of me and into other people. I'm doing that.
I'm physically going through the motions of my life, but I'm not feeling anything. I'm having a deep discussion with you, but I have no idea what you're saying. I'm being exceptionally giving, but I feel no happiness from it. I'm smiling and genuine, but I don't know what that really looks like anymore, it just happens, I don't feel it. I know I told you I wanted to meet up and talk, but come to think of it, I don't know if I need to talk, if I need sleep, or if I need help that you just can't give me. I don't know how to even ask for help because I don't know what I'm asking for. All I know is that being numb works great the first week, and when it doesn't wear off, it's starts to wear on you and everyone around you. I can't fake feelings. As much as I try to hold your hand, or give people hugs, or leave comments...I feel nothing. Sure, I feel frustrated at the fact that I can't do anything but it gets me no where. And yes, I feel disgusted at the fact that I can't physically tell anyone this, but I will write it on a blog for "the world" to see. Genuinely though, I feel nothing.
For the record, you deserve someone who cares enough to be honest with you no matter how hard it is, not me. BTW, this doesn't invalidate my congrats on your engagement, I just kinda wish I could've had a little heads up.
Maybe I'm just realizing that I forgot how to actually trust someone, and that I don't know how to. I'm not that kind of person though. I don't fault people like that. And it seems like now I can't help but do just that. I'm scared and I'm running and hiding and pushing people away more than I ever thought I could. Frankly, I have been pretty good at it in the past, but I thought those days were gone. I hate that I can't do anything, even with just an ounce of genuineness. I've become my own pet peeve or flaw. Something I can't stand to see others do is who I am. Maybe I'm counteracting it by being so openly blunt, but it doesn't change it.
I'm sorry I'm not the girl you met 4 weeks ago, or 4 years ago. She's gone and this one's just really scared of everything, even scared of showing that she's scared. This uncertainty has gotten under every inch of my skin and I don't know how long it plans on staying.
Maybe there's a better version of me and I just haven't found it yet. I know this isn't me, who I'm meant to be.
I'm physically going through the motions of my life, but I'm not feeling anything. I'm having a deep discussion with you, but I have no idea what you're saying. I'm being exceptionally giving, but I feel no happiness from it. I'm smiling and genuine, but I don't know what that really looks like anymore, it just happens, I don't feel it. I know I told you I wanted to meet up and talk, but come to think of it, I don't know if I need to talk, if I need sleep, or if I need help that you just can't give me. I don't know how to even ask for help because I don't know what I'm asking for. All I know is that being numb works great the first week, and when it doesn't wear off, it's starts to wear on you and everyone around you. I can't fake feelings. As much as I try to hold your hand, or give people hugs, or leave comments...I feel nothing. Sure, I feel frustrated at the fact that I can't do anything but it gets me no where. And yes, I feel disgusted at the fact that I can't physically tell anyone this, but I will write it on a blog for "the world" to see. Genuinely though, I feel nothing.
For the record, you deserve someone who cares enough to be honest with you no matter how hard it is, not me. BTW, this doesn't invalidate my congrats on your engagement, I just kinda wish I could've had a little heads up.
Maybe I'm just realizing that I forgot how to actually trust someone, and that I don't know how to. I'm not that kind of person though. I don't fault people like that. And it seems like now I can't help but do just that. I'm scared and I'm running and hiding and pushing people away more than I ever thought I could. Frankly, I have been pretty good at it in the past, but I thought those days were gone. I hate that I can't do anything, even with just an ounce of genuineness. I've become my own pet peeve or flaw. Something I can't stand to see others do is who I am. Maybe I'm counteracting it by being so openly blunt, but it doesn't change it.
I'm sorry I'm not the girl you met 4 weeks ago, or 4 years ago. She's gone and this one's just really scared of everything, even scared of showing that she's scared. This uncertainty has gotten under every inch of my skin and I don't know how long it plans on staying.
Maybe there's a better version of me and I just haven't found it yet. I know this isn't me, who I'm meant to be.
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