Crossfit makes me curse sometimes. HA!

Haha I got this picture from someone who does crossfit at TBC. (If you live in SA, TOTES check out one of the free classes. Best workout you will ever experience.)

Anyways, not only because I never get injured while in my crossfit classes, I'm just obsessed. The work outs never get old and the coaches are phe-nommmmm. Not gonna lie, I was super intimidated, but now it's just a challenge to keep up with the veterans :) And I notice the difference in how my body is reacting to these workouts versus going to the same bodypump class everyday. Insane. My core has NEVER been as sore as it is right now. I freakin love it! Today was my first REAL class. The ones I've been going to for the past 2 weeks are fundamental and entry level classes. Which, by the way still kick butt. The work outs consist of a warm up, ante, and WOD. Here's today's lovely lineup:

ANTE:
150 Wall Ball (low squats with soft weighted ball, tossed to a target on the wall. But you stand like a foot from the wall)
1 x for time- 7min:40sec was my time.

(Most the guys used 12 and 20, but I used the 8 ball...150 is a freakin lot. I could have done 12 though seeing I was the first one done haha).

WOD:

1000 meter row
50 Thrusters
30 Pull ups

1 x for time- 12min:38sec was my time.

This wasn't incredibly awful until I got half way into the thrusters. Because Dan had me do these last night. But the up side to the ones this morning is that it was just the 35 lb bar. But trust me, that was plenty. AND I had a medium band for the pull ups. It sucked. I was cursing a little bit haha, it's what happens when I work out sometimes. But, it felt so good to FINISH. ay dios mio!

And nowwwww my leg. Freakin garbage. Had to cancel my photo shoot on Sunday in FL cause I look like roadkill :( Oh well. I'm still going to the beach :) Just gonna sport a bruise haha.


My masterpiece of a bruise. It literally makes a perfect semi circle from the front of my knee to the side of my thigh. I have a golfball sized knot/bruise on my other leg too. haha fail.

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Can't a girl exercise in one piece?!

If you have been sadly keeping up with my facebook statuses in the past couple weeks you would know that I have had some very unfortunate encounters when it comes to activities outdoors. Literally everytime I'm outside something wrong happens.

Skip to the bottom if you just want to know why I despise men, texas and bikes haha.

**Bloody battle wound pictures at bottom too. :)

And here's tonight's award winning story. -__-

I start biking at 8PM at Leon Trails. It's light out when I start but I have a light on my bike cause I knew it'd be dark by the time I finished. Twenty minutes, 5 miles, turn around. One mile later it's gettin pretty dark, but I've got my handy light still! I'm at the part of the trail where there's houses on one side. Well for some reason I swerve a little and instead of over correcting and going the other way I shrug it off and just ride a split second off the sidewalk. Oh what's that in front of me? (I really don't know what it's called because we don't have them in Florida #win) but it's that drainage thing between houses. For my non-Texan readers it's like as wide as sidewalk and made of concrete, but it's about a foot and a half deep. So it's a little concrete river without the water. Yeah sure?
Ok well I was pedaling full speed at that sucker. Couldn't see it whatsoever. *But Sasha you had a light!?! YEAH the light is so other people can see me...not so I can see everything :(
Welp the front tire hit the far side. I flew over the bike. Then the bike flew over me. Would've been a nice action shot, like forreal.

A. I would like to thank karate for teaching me how to fall correctly. Perhaps why my elbow and/or shoulder is not broken right now. But the rest of me...hurts.

B. I would also like to thank Coach Adam for teaching me to fight for my spot in cheerleading, which in turn made me always get back up no matter how hard I had just fallen out of a stunt and do it again.

So, you guessed it. I got up. Picked the bike up. Stood there for a second and then realized my light didn't work.*%$^&%$*! Really?! I'm four miles out in the dark with no light. Oh and this is the ONLY time I have ever been on this trail without a phone. Go figure. Angry.
So I just start to walk with the bike. Yes, I clearly could have gotten back on but I was quite angry at the bike at this moment haha.

When I get to some light I realize I have blood dripping down my leg. *Any on my Vibrams?!!? NO. Whew! :)
Then not one but TWO bikers with working lights I might add come up behind me. I look right at them. Stopped with my bike and neither of them say a word. Men. RUDE.

And I get passed by a male runner. Says nothing. Seriously?!

So I get angrier and hop on the bike and slowly make my way back. I'm angrier now because I just got walked by AND I won't make my time I had set. Ten minutes passes. Some toolbag passes me and (Yes, I realize he had no idea I fell off my bike but still he wasn't polite) says, "Hey man, where's your lights!?" in a very cocky 'this is my trail" kind of way. So I replied, "I fell over my handle bars and broke it. THANKS!" I added some reaaaaaal polite french words under my breath but I will leave those to your imagination.

Anywho. I get back (still finishing a ten mile ride in 50 mins I might add). And I go to the police officer who is parked by the trail entrance and I kindly ask if he has a first aid kit. Nope. But after I went to the car to get the one I remembered we had in there he came over and checked out my leg. Said it might need stitches. Bleh. So ems came and cleaned me up. No stitches though. HALLELUJAH! :D
They told me it would scar. I was like yeah broooo battle wound!

But here is my explanation for despising MEN, TEXAS, and BIKES tonight:

Men: The 3 *&#$%^! guys that passed me and didn't bother to help AND especially the jerk who yelled at me for being lightless.

Texas: I can do nothing in the great outdoors of your state alone, ever. This is a major issue. I just want some fresh air and exercise.

Bikes: Well you could've broken I guess, but you still hurt me tonight and I don't know the next time I will be riding again.

Ahh the first snap shot. It looked so weird and swollen. But it was really just skin..and dirt. bleh! This is me after the nice EMS guys cleaned and bandaged me up.
And this is the end result. After cleaning it out and wanting to like punch a wall at the same time. Didn't hurt near as bad as the peroxide I put on it a few minutes ago.

I'm thankful this is all that happened. And of course I won't be taking it easy. Cross fit all week until FLORIDA...then once I'm home, you bet your bottom dollar I'll be running my butt off! :)

If I could write you a song

I would.
But I can't, and letters are more my thing anyways..

I think you may know me as the girl you met in the Wolfram's Sunday school class at Bell Shoals. The girl who wore toe socks on chapel day and got kicked out of Mrs. Kline's class at BSBA for my singing Christmas socks. Maybe I'm the girl that broke your collarbone when you were my back spot in cheerleading. The one who would take part in debates at lunch over abortion and homosexuality. Maybe I'm the girl who taught you the Watermelon Crawl at the bull or how to do dead bugs at the gym. The girl who taught you to be bold and love yourself and learn how to cook and how to french braid. I can even be that girl who made you cry over something I said too boldly; or something I didn't even say. The girl who forgot your birthday, again. The one who cancelled plans. The one who works more than breathes. The girl who does everything alone, including late night runs in Tampa (sorry dad!) and would usually prefer it that way. The girl who made you laugh just by my stupid laugh. And the girl who pissed you off because I just wouldn't give in, or give up a fight. Maybe you met me as the girl who breathes spontaneity. The one who can't not do anything. The girl obsessed with toe shoes and rock climbing and slack lining and line dancing and everything else that isn't norm. I'm the girl who left in the middle of a sentence and didn't look back (..metaphorically hah). The girl who was scared to death to live and get caught. The girl who was clearly stuck between two worlds, the one where I want to love you and the one where I don't know how to.

I don't know which one of those girls you've met. But they're all me. And chances are, you've met that girl at some point in time; even if you only know me a little bit. Chances also are that I wish you had been able to meet a different girl, the one I wish I could be ALL the time. But who am I kidding, no one is perfect. Maybe, but probably not, lots of you will read this. This is really only for one of you, though. It's the you that's in my head all the time. You told me God put me here for a reason and that resonates in my head like clocks chiming every hour. Somedays I think you're the reason. And because of you I feel like my life has been in slow motion. But when I finally get to see you it's like time couldn't ever slow down enough. I think I burned about the millionth bridge in my life and I burnt that bridge with you. Normally I can do a pretty good patch job and function post-bridge-burning. But this time I feel different. Like I messed a good thing up really bad. And for myself, not just you. I had everything I ever wanted in my lap and it wasn't good enough. But it wasn't you that wasn't good enough. It was me. The scared, vulnerable me that maybe only a few other people have met. No, you aren't perfect, but perfect isn't what I want. You told me I needed to figure out what I want. I have. My life is never going to slow down and I am never going to achieve the cookie cutter that I created for myself. Never. So instead of trying to find a perfect fit to my stupid cookie cutter demeanor, what I want is to just let myself be happy. And I had never been happier in my life. I had never felt safer. And that scared me to death, but now that it's gone, I'm even more afraid i'll never find it again.

song and dance. song and dance.

I would, for some God forsaken reason, rather you remember me as the girl who walked to the rhythm of her own beat and right out of your life, than the girl who could just be and stay for awhile.

I wrote that sentence a week or so ago on my last post. Then I heard this song, Guinevere, by the Eli Young Band. And I hate cliches and sounding corny, but the lyrics were perfect. I tried explaining and understanding, in my last post, why the heck I am the way I am or do some of the stupid things I do, or say things that are so cold and not know where it comes from. Lyrics have a way of putting some things in perspective.

"She carries memories around like souvenirs down in her pockets
She should have let some go by now but can't seem to drop it
Says forgiveness ain't nothing but a lifeless tire on the shoulder of her soul
That never rolls
For as much as she stumbled she's runnin'
For as much as she runs she's still here
Always hoping to find something quicker than heaven
To make the damage of her days disappear
Yeah she writes you in as just one more tale
and then you're gone
'Cause she once fell hard 'cause she dropped her guard
And no one gets to stay it's just too late."

I know I can't go back and take away the things I said. I can't go back and take away the things that were said to me, or weren't said to me, to make me run; to make me wanna be cold to people I never really want out of my life. It's my defense when you get too close, but I really want you to stay. I just don't want you to leave. I want you to fight like hell for me even though I don't deserve it. I keep pushing. Cause one ruined it, it's ruined for all, right? But I think I finally realized how my running is catching up with the ones I love. And I don't think I'm gonna get any of them back. Sorry isn't a word I say much because I don't think it mends much, it's just a word. The hurt normally sticks around and the guilt of hurting someone again lingers. But if I knew I could just say sorry and try everything all over again. I'd do it in a heartbeat. As much as I'd love to go back and avoid the pitfalls that made me this way; I can't. And I can't take back the words I said that ruined good things.

I'd love to have a storybook ending, but there's only one who knows the ending to the tale of my life.

You're gonna wish you had a storm warning.

I think that's a reality I faced head on a long time ago; I just didn't know it. [I'm not meant to fall in line]. Somewhere along the lines of princesses and polly pockets and cooking and college, I learned how to cope with everything in my own "Sasha Rihana Arms" way.
In high school, even as a cheerleader, I protested "matching outfit" days. I hated it. I hated looking like 11 other girls with the same stupid pink shirt and the same stupid bow. With the same little smiling cheer face. I wanted to be quirky Sasha in my toe socks and crazy patterns and clothes which most kids outgrew in the 5th grade. I liked being different in my own way. Now, I'd never go as extreme as dying my hair black and piercing my whole stinkin face up, that just wasn't me. The point is, being unqiue (and genuine), was something I strived for mainly on the outside. The only unique difference (a large one at that) that I had internally was my Christianity. That made me incredibly different. And to some, very outspoken (true) and prude.

And these silly little quirks are the only connection I have to the unique box of crap I have been lately. Emotionally detached and different than anyone around me. Never on the same page. Since I'm not hearing an "Amen!", I'm gonna go ahead and assume I'm aboard this train alone. Fabulous. So here's the deal. I'm scared to death of being like everyone or anyone else. Why? Maybe you'll never remember me then? I don't know. I don't really have a reason, it just is. I don't wanna conform in any sliver of a way. I would, for some God forsaken reason, rather you remember me as the girl who walked to the rhythm of her own beat and right out of your life, than the girl who could just be and stay for awhile.

My whole life, it's like I have lived to say goodbye. I couldn't wait to say goodbye to private school. Then I wanted out of public. Then I wanted to leave Tampa, I wanted to move far far away for college. When I couldn't, I found another way to leave home. I moved 1700 miles away. And every moment in between I was saying goodbye. I was pushing you away, I was running away. And for what? ..To be different? When everything starts to fall in place, I lose it. When everything falls apart, you think I've got it.

I Ain't Met Your Texas Yet.

Every time I reach the surface a new wave swallows me.

I get so frustrated in my own mess of me.

I wish I wasn't so damn stubborn.

I wish I would cave sometimes; just give in already.

Running gets me everywhere.

All but where I wanna be.

Every second I swear it's something new.

If I could just not feel it all anymore,

Maybe then I'd make sure it didn't hurt you every time.

Selfish girls cry selfish tears,

but I don't cry.

How many more nights like this one?

When does it sink in, when does this all grow old?

Running gets me everywhere,

Don't forget, cause it'll lead me to you.

[RE]fresh

You know you are pretty _________ (insert lame adjetive here), when you find yourself calling your dad to talk about things he would normally be #8923749823 to hear about (sorry dad). Especially lame when he too is surprised. Hmmm. Red flag, "Sasha needs a life".

But I'm gonna bite my tongue before I call this second deal a red flag. Cause in all honesty, it's more like a white flag, surrender. And that's where it gets tricky. See in battle, (these are my views folks, don't judge) when the white flag is pulled, doesn't that seem like a sign of cowardliness, retreat, failure, just simply giving in? Wouldn't it be super lame and cowardly aka major weaksauce if in Pirates of the Caribbean, the pirates aboard the Black Pearl just surrendered and said "Aye, Matey just take er ship!" ...Uh yes! That would have meant that movie stunk and made like zero dollars in comparison to the bajillion it really did!

But when it comes to surrender in one aspect of life. It is anything but cowardly. It is actually one of the greatest things we can humanly do: surrender to Christ. This is an aspect of the Christian life that sometimes just gets verbally "expected", but it doesn't ever really happen. For me, it's not something I can do easily. If it were easy I wouldn't be writing about it. I struggle sometimes with being dedicated to my devotions daily, and surrendering is a lot more than a few chapters a day and a quiet time. Surrendering isn't necessarily something either. It's the someone you become. Sometimes we are the quiet kid who answers the call to lead worship or the broke college students answering the call to missions, the family who is accepting the gift of adoption, the entrepreneur that drives a junker so he can give in excess to those who really need it. Surrender is in all forms and all people. I don't think it's something you can just DO, it's not a switch you just flip one mornin. It's something that comes with your walk with the Lord, it's like your mutual agreement that we (as silly humans) are totally accepting the fact that we cannot do squat on our own and we are letting God do everything in His power to make us rely on Him more and more everyday. Just sign up for a mission trip, you'll see; He'll make you trust real well when that financial deadline comes close...but He's laughin at you, cause 'COURSE He's got it covered, and then SOME!

So when we surrender to Christ, it should feel like our feet can float and God's got our load- not lame like if they had surrendered the Black Pearl to Captain Sparrow. The decisions we make in moments of surrender can be really difficult though. And as humans, we may think they suck and they hurt or they don't make any sense. I'm pretty sure this is how most times of surrender may feel, but at the same time they are so freeing. And, (not to sound cliche), God has the bigger picture in His hands. He knows what's best for each of us and when we surrender we let Him help us make those "bigger picture" decisions..not just the ones our human eyes can see. We'd never get past the edge of the photo if we made all the moves on our own. If you don't understand what He's asking of you, then just pray and wait, He'll certainly open a door. And if He already has your attention, but the surrender part was pretty rough..check out these verses and be encouraged. Don't let the world tell you the choices you make in surrender are negative ones. HE'S got yo back! :) God is faithful: He turns our fears into faith and our compromise into commitment- His promises!

Philippians 4:6-8 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things."

1 Peter 5:6-7"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 30:11.
"You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy."

"Be still, and know that I am God;"
Psalm 46:10a

"Don't let fear stop you from doing what you know you have to. Fear is only False Evidence that Appears Real, meaning all these thoughts going through your mind are coming from the enemy. Don't give those thoughts time to do their work, be encouraged, God is all the strength you'll ever need."