In high school, even as a cheerleader, I protested "matching outfit" days. I hated it. I hated looking like 11 other girls with the same stupid pink shirt and the same stupid bow. With the same little smiling cheer face. I wanted to be quirky Sasha in my toe socks and crazy patterns and clothes which most kids outgrew in the 5th grade. I liked being different in my own way. Now, I'd never go as extreme as dying my hair black and piercing my whole stinkin face up, that just wasn't me. The point is, being unqiue (and genuine), was something I strived for mainly on the outside. The only unique difference (a large one at that) that I had internally was my Christianity. That made me incredibly different. And to some, very outspoken (true) and prude.
And these silly little quirks are the only connection I have to the unique box of crap I have been lately. Emotionally detached and different than anyone around me. Never on the same page. Since I'm not hearing an "Amen!", I'm gonna go ahead and assume I'm aboard this train alone. Fabulous. So here's the deal. I'm scared to death of being like everyone or anyone else. Why? Maybe you'll never remember me then? I don't know. I don't really have a reason, it just is. I don't wanna conform in any sliver of a way. I would, for some God forsaken reason, rather you remember me as the girl who walked to the rhythm of her own beat and right out of your life, than the girl who could just be and stay for awhile.
My whole life, it's like I have lived to say goodbye. I couldn't wait to say goodbye to private school. Then I wanted out of public. Then I wanted to leave Tampa, I wanted to move far far away for college. When I couldn't, I found another way to leave home. I moved 1700 miles away. And every moment in between I was saying goodbye. I was pushing you away, I was running away. And for what? ..To be different? When everything starts to fall in place, I lose it. When everything falls apart, you think I've got it.
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