I can never run far enough

I mean that literally and figuratively. I can never run far enough to be satisfied that I'm a decent runner. And I certainly can't run as far as to the place where everything just goes away. I've come to hate the real world. It's evil and in most cases lonely and we can never ever out run it.
Tonight I stopped everything though.
I went to my spot. I ran there.
I ran up the stairs..
I got to the top and when I finally finished walking around the edges, I looked out and saw everything.
I lost it.
I had a conversation with God.
I felt like I was the only person alive. It was just me and my thoughts, my tears and my stupid ipod shuffle.
It didn't feel real. Lately, nothing has.
I can never out run anything.
Real or not real.

Wake Up Call?

Buffed.

Just one pulse of Your heart; I'm in love.

I will run.
People like me don't climb Mt. Everest because we feel like it. Not even with motivation and the best training could I climb that mountain. I'm just not able. I'm in Florida and I'm a 5 foot nothing little girl. That mountain is for the experts.

That's exactly the opposite attitude I have when I come to a mountain only God can climb. Instead of taking the "5 foot little girl" position, I play the expert. I act like I have been on this path a million times before and I know exactly what step I should take next. Helpful? No. Do I get anywhere? No, I probably take a wrong path and end up further down the mountain than what I started. So what makes us, ME, do this? Why is it a constant "me" battle. No amount of work I do can save me. Not from a term paper due in 6 hours, not from the worst problems I seem to have with boys, and most certainly not from an eternity in hell. I know I have a God bigger than anything I have ever faced, I KNOW that. Why belittle His power by trying to climb alone?

My mom can make some serious cookies. And say I need 100 of these cookies in 24 hours. Yeah sure I have the recipe, but I also have a mother who loves me SO stinkin much that she'll help me finish all the baking so I'm not on my own. Isn't that a small scale of what Christ does for us? We have His Word, but we do not have the power to be self-sufficient.

I hate being transparent, especially on something that anyone can read, but really..I need the accountability to stop trying to climb these mountains alone. Not even the mountains, just the everyday path. I'm so comfortable doing everything myself, being by myself, everything by me, for me. But I need to break it. I am not a self sufficient being. I never will be. Christ in me, the hope of my glory.

My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you. 2 Corinthians 12:9
In our heads it's great to know we have a "safety net" so to speak for when we are weak, but in reality, in comparison to Christ..aren't we always weak without Him? I'm the weakest, hypocritical, judgmental, depressing person I know. But the Lord holds my heart just the same as if I were a perfect angel. Change happens when we make it happen.

inked.

Yes, I realize you read my blog dad.. But hey, ink or no ink, now you're just informed about things :)

Uhh so this is a really awkward picture, but I just like the butterfly and the colors. Shrunk of course and on my foot-ish? + 2 Corinthians 5:17..maybee.

And this is just a sketch of a butterfly I liked too :)


This oneee is a potential foot one along with the butterfly..idk. The Verse with this one though would be Matthew 16:19.

This is a random rub on tattoo that I lovvveeed. Yes, no? next to it would be the word faith in hebrew.
On the other wrist, same spot, would be a jesus fish and the hebrew word hesed.
they look like this:
אמונה (faith). חֶסֶד (hesed).

If any of this happens...it will happen by julyyyy.

Non preoccuparti, sii felice!

Something like a storybook.

I am a hypocrite, an unruly individual. I'm a sister, a daughter, a tyrant. Discontent in imperfection, satisfied through grace. I'm waiting. I'm failing. I'm going places. I'm a friend to all and a heir to glory. I'm human and unrealistic. I'm in a world I'm not made for. I'm thinking. I'm always a step behind myself. I'm not transparent. I'm not the same. I'm leaving a mark. I'm ready to wait. I'm never prepared for the future. I'm more than in the race. I'm not looking back. I'm not ready to take anything. I'm a doer. I'm praying I change. I'm whole as me. I'm an individual on a search.

Like a boss.

Random list of updates in 3..2..1:
I got accepted as a student OTL!
I'm done with physics forever.
I'm gonna be a loner in my dorm for 2 days.
Moving into Holly F Monday!
Orientation retreat starts monday!
I'm reading Dear John, but not the one by Nicholas Sparks, although I read that one too. This one is pretty good so far!
My room looks empty and sad.
I killed my bamboo plant.
I got my first pair of gladiators yesterday.
I found a really great classical music station via itunes
Tonight should be fun...if I don't work
I'm going to ride Sheikra tomorrow.
Pink team is legit. Too legit to quit.
I'm probably NOT going to lose my scholarships.
I have to move 3 times before the fall. Dumb? I think yes.
I'm saving for some baby tattoos in July. Bible verses/hebrew and such. Thinking about it still though.
I need to work out like righhht now.
I miss ballet.
Wow.
I think I have outgrown the Shawn Johnson/Cindy Lou Who look cause no one has told me I look like them in quite some time.
I'm gonna be working about 7 days a week this summer. HOLLA..?
I loved LCS, I want to teach there.
Mother's day is Sunday, we're making adorable flower pots for my first graders!
Some things are just badd ideas.
They are finally repaving SR60 since prolly 90% of Valrico had cracked windshields. idiooooots.
I'm 19 years, 4 months and 9 days old. Almost my half birthday!