I am literally sitting on my bathroom floor as I write this post. Why? Might you ask..
I have actually been in here for about 2 hours now, doubled over in pain, nauseas, exhausted and achy. Can't get anything in or out. And my abdominal/stomach is in more bloody pain than I have ever experienced.
pause.
I just broke the record..
Hadn't hurled since the 7th grade, SEVENTH GRADE! And just times sixed it. ugh. done. Back to this post..waaah.
Sooo this whole episode was quite necessary. Kind of like what pastor spoke on today at church. Our flesh getting devoured by the devil so that we can see our ways are wrong.. or not and just stay in the flesh, getting your flesh devoured by the devil and all the while turning your back on God.
Here's how I am relating vomiting with what I learned at church:
Pains = I know what I'm doing is wrong, but do it anyways
Hurling (x6) = Devil eating my flesh
Aftermath (You don't even want to know) = Staying in sin
Hot shower = Coming back to Truth
See this lil disaster tonight (I'm a vomit phobe folks) was necessary for me to see how wrongly I was treating my body. I had to be "devoured by the Devil" to understand and make the light go on, that something has to give! My body is a temple. A temple that crossfits 6 times a week and runs 4. But I had been lazy and just filling my body with what was convenient. Not taking the time to weigh, portion and pack healthy- let alone paleo meals was hurting me! I suffered because of my lack of care and laziness.
Do I feel better now? Of course I do.
Am I eating donuts now? NEGATIVE.
I see our forgiveness as simple as this:
If you toss your cookies, then you aren't likely to return to those cookies 5 minutes after said tossing.
If we sin and are forgiven of our sin, WHY would we return to said sin?
ponder..?
Moral of it all for me:
-THANK YOU JESUS FOR FORGIVENESS AND MERCY. And healing :)
-Eat FREAKIN clean!
I plan on eating all homemade food this week. No processed nonsense. Vegetables, protein and fruit. ..Jump on my bandwagon.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
WHY OWE EW !
Dear YOU,
I'm making a pledge to you right here, right now. You may be like, What? I don't hardly know you. Or I haven't seen you in years.. or maybe even, yeah right, you won't keep it, just save it.
But here's the thing- I need to. I want to. And quite frankly, I have to. I have to commit to the people who have made up pieces of my life. Some pieces are just corner pieces, and others are giant chunks in the center of my crazy life puzzle, but all play a part nonetheless.
And yes, this is specifically aimed a little better for some rather than others, but it can be an across the board thing :)
To the YOU that I have taken advantage of, taken for granted, and been incredibly out of touch. Sorry is an understatement. This blog is an understatement and cowardly. But I love you and cherish you more than I have ever been able to tell you. I don't show it and we both know that. I'm not sure how to fix this one, but I'm going to make baby steps. Remember that it's just as hard for you as it is for me. That I'm not trying to lash out, be harsh or inconsiderate.. but sometimes those topics push me over the edge. We push each other over the edge. I didn't want any of this to happen, I don't like it and I don't like what I've made of it. But I know God has an awesome plan for my life through it all and I pray you stay in it.
To the YOU that I am neither all or nothing with. To the one I go MIA for a few days, weeks, and even months. You have got to understand where I'm coming from..and maybe you already do. I need you here to make myself believe. My heart knows, but my head tries to outsmart her. I can't apologize for being human and carrying past hurt with me..and for simply being scared. But I can certainly apologize for every roller coaster and let down I ever put you through. I may be the most independent and strong girl you know. But when it comes to what you have, I am scared to death. Don't write yourself out of my life just yet. My brain will catch up to my heart.
To the YOU that has been there somehow through this all. Maybe a day at a time. Maybe checking in every month or so. You are what gets me through the down. Your words mean more than you can imagine. Your simple text picks up my whole day. I don't have you here physically, so everything else just proves that you are genuine and care. Or that I just crossed your mind at some point. Either way, you and your words mean so much to me. Thank you.
So what's the pledge?
To try and give each of you what you have given to me. To not take your words and letters and time for myself but to recycle them back to others, maybe even back to you someday.
I am still claiming my humanness, but as a daughter of the King I think it's right and fair that I don't use that as a cop out. My claim to being human should not justify mediocrity or forgetfulness.
BECAUSE I STINKIN LOVE EVERYONE IN MY LIFE AND NEED TO SHOW IT.
:)
I'm making a pledge to you right here, right now. You may be like, What? I don't hardly know you. Or I haven't seen you in years.. or maybe even, yeah right, you won't keep it, just save it.
But here's the thing- I need to. I want to. And quite frankly, I have to. I have to commit to the people who have made up pieces of my life. Some pieces are just corner pieces, and others are giant chunks in the center of my crazy life puzzle, but all play a part nonetheless.
And yes, this is specifically aimed a little better for some rather than others, but it can be an across the board thing :)
To the YOU that I have taken advantage of, taken for granted, and been incredibly out of touch. Sorry is an understatement. This blog is an understatement and cowardly. But I love you and cherish you more than I have ever been able to tell you. I don't show it and we both know that. I'm not sure how to fix this one, but I'm going to make baby steps. Remember that it's just as hard for you as it is for me. That I'm not trying to lash out, be harsh or inconsiderate.. but sometimes those topics push me over the edge. We push each other over the edge. I didn't want any of this to happen, I don't like it and I don't like what I've made of it. But I know God has an awesome plan for my life through it all and I pray you stay in it.
To the YOU that I am neither all or nothing with. To the one I go MIA for a few days, weeks, and even months. You have got to understand where I'm coming from..and maybe you already do. I need you here to make myself believe. My heart knows, but my head tries to outsmart her. I can't apologize for being human and carrying past hurt with me..and for simply being scared. But I can certainly apologize for every roller coaster and let down I ever put you through. I may be the most independent and strong girl you know. But when it comes to what you have, I am scared to death. Don't write yourself out of my life just yet. My brain will catch up to my heart.
To the YOU that has been there somehow through this all. Maybe a day at a time. Maybe checking in every month or so. You are what gets me through the down. Your words mean more than you can imagine. Your simple text picks up my whole day. I don't have you here physically, so everything else just proves that you are genuine and care. Or that I just crossed your mind at some point. Either way, you and your words mean so much to me. Thank you.
So what's the pledge?
To try and give each of you what you have given to me. To not take your words and letters and time for myself but to recycle them back to others, maybe even back to you someday.
I am still claiming my humanness, but as a daughter of the King I think it's right and fair that I don't use that as a cop out. My claim to being human should not justify mediocrity or forgetfulness.
BECAUSE I STINKIN LOVE EVERYONE IN MY LIFE AND NEED TO SHOW IT.
:)
Your Nike shorts are causing me to stumble.
Just some rants. 3, 2, 1.. GO!
Girls in ATX, specifically the ones near those 5ish blocks around UT have the most ridiculous wardrobe. Seriously, we researched ;) Katie and I literally counted 20 females in this lazy sororish attire, within TWO blocks. Granted, it's totally OKAY if you're in a massive t-shirt and neon nike shorts if you're coming to or from the gym, running or some kind of activity like that. However, to make this your staple outfit is about the dumbest thing ever. Not cute. The designer sandals and pearls don't bring it all together. Stacy and Clinton would SO be with me on this one :)
If nothing else, Katie and I enjoy keeping track of these loverly little outfits (and frat daddys roaming the ATX) hahaa!
Next!
I really enjoy where I work. I get to meet lots of people and see kiddos and work with a great, fun staff. Here are some things that I also love..mainly related to work:
I adore seeing dads with their kids at the mall. Because A) they're present in their children's lives. B) The majority of them are so stinkin awesome and just having a ball pushin their little strollers and holding their kiddos hand.
It's really encouraging to see that outside of the church environment. I don't mean to sound like non-church goers are awful parents, but secular raising of children differs from Godly upbringing... typically. So it's just REALLY nice to see legit parents when I'm not at church, that's all.
Anyways, I never realized how much I am wired to desire a lil family. And seeing role model parents in public takes away a somewhat tainted view I have somehow acquired as of late..even though i have a massive love for little ones. I soak up every second a kiddo comes into Loft with their mommy or daddy. I try to make them laugh and mainly, I just can't wipe the smile off my face while they're there. I adore children. And I REALLY never knew how much I would miss having kids in my life 5 days a week..until I didn't. I know I'm not called to be an educator, but shoot.. crossfit kids in the house? I need some more rugrats in my life stat! They keep you young right?
End rant..
Stroller dads, rock on!!
...here's the reference to my title:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_FJa1kJY5k
From a Chi Alpha group, not meant to be offensive, sillies :)
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