Change your dreams for no one

So, I started following some really awesome blogs and twitter accounts recently (http://www.shehasworth.com/ , http://jarridwilson.com/). Their posts have been encouraging, but hitting me hard. Mainly because I used to blog these kinds of things myself ..and somewhere along the way I drifted from this "idea". I started to forget what my relationship with a man, a Godly man,  was supposed to look like and I just started looking, lusting for a man to call mine.

Yes, I can write about the faults I have found in the quality, Godly guys who "did me wrong" to try to justify my actions, but when I look to RIGHT NOW and ME, it's about where I'm looking and what I'm looking for. The catch is this: I don't give the man of God a chance, because losing him would hurt more than losing a "good" worldly guy. #RedFlag #CopOut
BUT, It has proven true in the past and that's just how I feel. And this is called transparency. 

This wasn't an overnight thing. This was a facade I started building quite some time ago. I can't really understand or explain the dynamics, I just know that it happened, overtime. I guess I could compare it to a child an their dream to be a princess or a doctor or gymnast when they grow up. As a kid, they are SO confident that they are GOING to do that when they grow up. But as life goes on, reality hits them, they do some changing and growing up and they realize that isn't in their reach anymore. It's almost silly now, just childish dreaming. Same goes for me. As a high schooler, I KNEW exactly what qualities I wanted in a husband, had dating boundaries like you wouldn't believe, and wanted nothing more than to be a P31. Just ask any guy who was interested in me, I probably told them that they aren't a spiritual leader  or we weren't equally yolked and right now we couldn't date, but we could be friends.. something like that. Then reality hit me, I got impatient, I got a lil hurt and I found myself turning to the next guy who said "I'm a Christian!" and had a cute face and thinking that made it the Lord's will, so I must date him. 

NO. NO. NO!!

Where's that childlike faith? Where's the big dreams? Why does reality seep in and steal the desire that God has laid on our hearts? Those desires I had in high school were good things, they were rooted in Christ. Why did I settle, sacrifice that? 

Where did the pride go for wearing my purity ring? It shouldn't bother me to answer, 'What's that ring for?' - I should take joy in the fact that the Lord has protected me from falling far enough away to disregard it.

What happened to all of those qualities? Would the guy I'm with appreciate the letter I wrote to my future husband when I was 16? What happened to waiting for the "Man who loves God more than he loves me"? 

And when you get to the point of asking these questions a funny thing happens. Your mind begins to trick you. The devil begins to tell you that you are asking these things BECAUSE you don't deserve that kind of man anymore. You will never be good enough. You will never be a P31. You were the bride of Christ, and you let Him down. He can't possibly love you anymore. He can't possibly plan to introduce a man of God to you. 

You know what I say to that, Devil!?!

My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you. 2 Corinthians 12:9 

BAM! Grace. Duh. 

His grace is enough!! So you dated some Joe Schmoes who definitely did not help your walk with Christ. Good. Now learn and discover YOU and what God has in store for YOU. I can't beat myself up for choosing poorly anymore than another mistake. But I can learn from it. Yes, some of those mistakes really hurt, or were really hard to admit or let go of. But because of the Lord's grace I am able to see better His plan for my life.. and eventually I'll get there. ONe piece at a time, I'll get there. 

And going back to my #RedFlag #CopOut, alongside with grace, the Lord's timing is perfect. I trust Him. I know He can heal past hurts and future hurts, no matter how scared of them I am. And from hurts and healing comes knowledge and even more trust in Him. He won't let me go. 

He's a snippet from my VERY FIRST blog ever! #PreachIt!

"As a follower of Christ, I know that because I am set apart, I can trust that the Lord has someone set apart for me and I never have to settle. And that His arms will ultimately be longer than any other source of comfort or happiness, even when he reveals my husband to me. Satisfaction does not lie in finding a man just like the ones in my favorite chick flicks. That satisfaction will only leave us empty and continuously searching. When you feel like you are never going to find true love, tell yourself you already have it. The Lord's love is so stinkin jealous for us, run to Him! Be satisfied in His never ending comfort when it seems like every flipping girl you know is engaged or celebrating their 2 years anniversary with their boyfriend. The Lord's love is more perfect and amazing than any romance novel or Lifetime tear jerker could ever portray. The movie will end, His love won't."