Synopsis

It's funny how much we defend our beliefs when we are put to the fire. In our everyday life, it seems that we are just "going through the motions"--with our faith life, relationships, work, what have you. I find myself sometimes questioning my foundations, doubting my cause for faith. But, man, when push comes to shove, you really do find out who you are and what or WHOM you stand for. It might surprise you in a really unsettling way, or it could shock you at how deep your roots really run.

The latter was the case for me this weekend at my Landmark Forum (LMF is a seminar lululemon sends most of their educators to as part of our core values and a lot of what our company stands for). I had no idea it was possible to be so aware to spiritual warfare at a small seminar.
In normal life? Sure.
On the mission field in the middle of nowhere Philippines? Absolutely.
At church camp? Yep.
But a seminar?

I made the false presumption of "needing" to go into LMF with an open mind. No, after one session (2.5 hours, mind you), I was fully aware that my mind being open was of least concern. The forefront of my mind needed to be engaged and wearing the full armor of God.
Read the disclaimer then find out why:

*DISCLAIMER* Hear me out, I am not writing to tell you LMF is BAD. No, I got great insight to my life and myself. Many people truly have breakthroughs. However, for me, from the get go I was being spiritually attacked by the enemy, and was fully aware of it. I HAD to remind myself in times of "buying into LMF" that it was NOT from the Word, NOT of God, and WAS entirely of the world. Interpret how you will.

With the initial teachings and description of the Forum, I was lit up. Crossed my arms, and literally after each person got up to say their "possibility" or any LMF truth was said, I said kind of prudely, 'inside the will of God'. I was being a little punk to everything Landmark.

So fast forward to the end of the first five sessions. I was able to swim through the fluff, uncross my arms and get something applicable out of it. I did not create or invent any possibilities for my life. (Guess what? I'm still gonna have a kick ass life. Shocker, I know.) I cleared space with someone I have never had a real relationship with. For that, I am so grateful. The accountability within the seminar kept me to my word to follow through with such things. I owned a lot of my garbage that I threw into my daily life that just acted as a wrench in the system. Granted, all that trash is still there, I'm not miraculously fixed, but I am aware and take full responsibility for it.

Ah, but fast forward some more sessions and the tone has changed. I kind of felt like I needed to prepare for all out battle. I also felt absolutely like a CRAZY person. See, LMF is different for each person. Some believers can go through entirely unscathed. Some can't get through one session and some fight it the whole time, and that was me. I felt outrageous for thinking this way, but I just did. I couldn't be with my thoughts. Am I being way too radical for thinking these thoughts? Am I officially crazy? Am I wrong? Maybe this does agree with my faith? No, wait- what? I literally sat there and prayed and prayed and prayed. I was mad because I didn't know how to respond in a way that people would get what I was going through. And that never came to me. So I sat.

But my upset-ness didn't originate in the "argument" against LMF and what they teach. My real hurt came from the men and women whose life stories I heard from. Serious stories of hurt, lies, abuse, secrets, wrong doings, infidelity, and anything in between. My heart really broke for these people. It broke the most when they stood in front of us and repeated after our leader, "I am inventing the possibility for me and my life to be ________." Which is not a bad thing on any terms, it's positive! What hurt is knowing that we are very human and very temporary beings. WE SCREW UP (hello, fall of man). LMF doesn't create a get away or an "out" from that hurt. Saying you create possibility for your future doesn't make it so. You can only take that so far, then you embrace your humanism again and fail again. It becomes a never ending cycle of possibility after possibility. I wanted to jump from my seat and say, "THERE'S REAL HOPE FOR YOU PEOPLE THAT NEVER ENDS, NEVER FAILS, NEVER LEAVES YOU!"

So, the hurt came from knowing, in that moment, that deeply broken person was placing hope in the words of another human being's "technology" or resources for their own breakthrough possibility. Not anything or anyone lasting or eternal.

..You win LMF. You create a whole bunch of little and big possibility making people. People who will continue to seek truth after possibilities start to fade. People you have taught to run or look to an ever-failing self instead of an ever faithful God. Thank you LMF for reinforcing my salvation and the grace I am covered in. For showing me the faithfulness of my savior and that without Him, the only hope I have in this meaningless life is to keep on inventing the money maker of possibility.