Ketchup.

Sometimes I feel so full of love it just comes spilling out.

I guess you deserve a little more explanation than just a blog. BUT, I have an entire new life here, and as much as I want to be able to keep my friendships exactly the way they were before I left, it's almost impossible. I can't begin to really live here until I can stop living the life I had there. That's a part of moving away people don't realize they HAVE to face. You have to pick one of your worlds, you can't live in both. You think you can "keep in touch" and you probably sincerely want to, it's just extremely difficult. That's the boat I'm in folks. Believe me when I say I am trying to keep you updated...but stalking my facebook is about the only way you'll be able to stay updated for the moment. Perhaps in the future, I will be able to juggle both, but right now, my focus is on my future and finding where I need to be, relationships I need to invest in here, and what I need to be doing with the time God has given me.

On that note, what have I been doing with my time?
Welllll I've been blessed with a full time job, that not only pays the rent but comes with awesome co workers and food ;) I have my own place and a puppy, Sidney! I teach PE part time as well and babysit every now and then. Crossfit is my outlet in a lot of ways. I LOVE it. I'm getting certified in February here in San Antonio. Kinda sorta have a church home here, I go to an amazing college ministry called Emerge, such a blessing. And I go to another church on Sundays. It's difficult not knowing every single face in passing at church though. I miss that so much about home. It's amazing how much just a familiar face can make you feel 100 times better. But, I don't go to church to "feel good", so there's lesson number one of about a bajillion! On the social side, I get out every now and then for a night of two stepping or a Texas country concert. But honestly, I work and workout so much I just want to sleep most nights.
In between all of that, I have decided that I am going to pursue my BBA at the University of Michigan (Lord willing!). I got to spend a weekend up there for the OSU vs. UM game with my dad and it just solidified all the dreams I had about going to that University. My theory on that one is this: Michigan has been my dream since I can remember. The only person who can make it a reality is ME. Frankly, the clock is ticking, and as long as my heart is pumping I'm going to keep stepping into the unknown. If the Lord opens a door, I go. If He shuts this one, I start over, no big deal. He's got my back!

Sasha, you're packing up and leaving again?! Well, my life shouldn't consist of a city and people. My life is my relationship with Christ and how I make Him known everyday. I'll be honest, I haven't been coming close to that. At all. Thankfully, His "mercies endure forever" and He is still making me new everyday. I'm taking all of these lessons one day at a time, and I'm a work in progress. Whether the end result gets me to Ann Arbor, Michigan or back home in Tampa, I have no idea. But I know who's hands my life is in. Do I still worry about meeting deadlines and making the cut? AB-SO-FREAKIN-LUTELY! I trust the Lord, but I am still human, know that. But with Him I don't need to concern myself with acceptance or impressing, I will never make the cut in someone's eyes. In God's eyes though, I'm His perfect creation whom He loves endlessly. THAT is good news. :) And the people I meet along the way make the journey bearable and fun. I'm so blessed to have all of the people I do in my life!

Just a little piece of goodness the Lord has been revealing to me that I'll share with the ladies : )
Don't settle. Ever, ever, ever. And don't assume you're NOT settling by being naive. Know what you should have, want and deserve and don't take anything less. If he makes you happy, great. But get the guys who makes you happy because of his overflow of love for the Lord, which in turn makes him love YOU. Basically this: KNOW and WAIT. Put P31 into action.

Okay I'm out for now.
Maybe a real blog next time, and not 2 months later! ;)

The truth about vegan choc pudding.

..is that it's not so great. Actually, I'm repulsed at the fact I'm still eating it. Haha. First thing I have ever gotten from Whole Foods (aka fave store EVER) and not liked. It's okay, the vegan choc chip cookies were PRISTINE today. I am going to be a diabetic someday, geeeeez. OR just have no teeth from all this SUGAA. I went to the dentist this mornin.. result: 2 stinkin cavities. TWO! Ugh I suck. (this was not this morning but like four days ago) I'm real great at keeping this updated ;)

On a more relevant note:
I did FGB6 today. And I fell in love with crossfit a little more. Even though I think I was garbage, it was worth it. In the words of a fellow crossfitter I met this morning, (with a SWEET British accent, might I add) "Crossfit is like a cult, really. I mean look at all of us. Look at what we're doing!" She was a hoot. Honestly true though! Crossfit is a whole different breed of fitness. I love it and I don't plan on bailing anytime soon. At all.

Okay and this is my blogger happy post/rant. Here's the background: I was reading through some emails the other day and came across some I had sent a year or two ago with a friend of mine. Part of it really stuck out to me. I was talking about my "dreams". Some of the things I said I can't even picture myself saying (which can be both good and bad). But what really got me was how different I see this now having hindsight. But that my dreams haven't really changed.

"Oh, I have so many dreams. Just know, I would abandon these dreams any day for a much higher calling!I think I have already mentioned this one.. For as long as I can remember, I have always had a heart for children, especially those in need. Because of that, I desire to adopt a child if the Lord blesses me with the opportunity, and a husband of course. But beyond that, I have this crazy dream of adopting a child from every continent. I mean obviously not antarctica. And I would probably not adopt from North America, but you get my drift. It's not impossible, but it's pretty out there

I definitely dream of cheering and fitness competing again. I dream of moving away and finding the place I "fit" instead of the melting pot of Tampa. I dream of traveling the world for a year for pleasure and missions. I dream of teaching my kids Bible stories and how to french braid and take them kayaking and picking them up from their grandparent's house happy as can be.

I really dream about a family.

More prevalent would be my desire to just finish school on top and life magically falls into place. I find a great job anywhere in the country as long as they have beaches or mountains or something awesome to offer and then out of nowhere I fall in love, get married and have a family. Pretty simple, but I know that's just an "American Dream". I kind of want nothing to do with it. God didn't call me to live the American Dream He called me to be a disciple, to know Him and make Him known. Sure, I can still do all of those thing and bring glory to the Lord, I know that. But, I don't want it to tempt me from my true calling. It's like the American dream is sitting on a platter next to God's unknown plan for my life, the dream looks SO good and is so tempting, I would rather just not be able to see it.

I would describe the kind of guy I "dream" of, but I just can't. I feel like a lessen the value of who God has set apart for me by trying to make some non-existent, dream husband up. I think I talked about that in my very first blog. You can see my blunt side in that one, but it's all so true. Check it out if you get the chance. Whoever God has in store is perfect. I couldn't put a better label on him than that-not military, athlete, pastor, whatever. So yeah, those are some of my dreams!"

I know we go through seasons in our walk with the Lord just like anything else. Maybe I was at a great place then. It just encourages me to get back there. And to be able to tell someone that I want nothing to do with the American dream. Cause in my heart, I don't. But sometimes it's just easier to fall into that mindset. (But I mean I'm a crossfitter...since when do I choose easy!!?) I loved this, "I feel like a lessen the value of who God has set apart for me by trying to make some non-existent, dream husband up. " Woooo! Did I really say that?!? My own words speak volumes to me, right now. I understood then, that the Lord would provide in time what I need. And right now, I need to do the same. No matter how crappy the situation, it seems to me, my God always provides. This too is in His hands. And I'm okay with that.

Truth Hurts?

Not even on the plane to come home and I'm observing things definitely blog worthy. Well, actually these are status worthy things, but I feel like people hate me when I post so many statuses haha.

IF I did though, this is what they would say:

Dear woman behind me in the terminal, thank you for sharing your tastes in music with me and everyone around you. Opinion: IT SUCKS. Turn your freakin music down..you're kinda sorta missing the point of headphones. #genius.

Yes, man in front of me in the terminal, we can also hear your youtube videos. I'm guessing you searched for "hillbilly gator huntin" or "rednecks falling over"? Again, HEADPHONES. #howoldareyou?

Annnnnd now I'm loling in the terminal. Reading Damnyouautocorrect.com. HILAR.

Check it.

Now, from today which was my plane ride back to Texas.

I decided to wear my toe shoes through the airport and got quite a bit of conversation from it. While waiting in line at Chili's, the guy in front of me (about my age), turns around and says, "hey are those things comfy?" And we continued to chat about my lovely shoes until I had to order lol. I sat down and got on my computer and got my food before they did. As their order came, he walked by me and says, "Later, toe feet!". HA! I didn't realize he was talking to me at first either! Too great.
One of the TSA security guys and my flight attendant also conversed with me about my shoes. You know how guys can use puppies to attract chicks? Well I think my shoes almost work in the same way haaaaaa! Except they attract mainly dudes. Occasionally ladies will ask me about them. Either way I LOVE IT :)

Crossfit makes me curse sometimes. HA!

Haha I got this picture from someone who does crossfit at TBC. (If you live in SA, TOTES check out one of the free classes. Best workout you will ever experience.)

Anyways, not only because I never get injured while in my crossfit classes, I'm just obsessed. The work outs never get old and the coaches are phe-nommmmm. Not gonna lie, I was super intimidated, but now it's just a challenge to keep up with the veterans :) And I notice the difference in how my body is reacting to these workouts versus going to the same bodypump class everyday. Insane. My core has NEVER been as sore as it is right now. I freakin love it! Today was my first REAL class. The ones I've been going to for the past 2 weeks are fundamental and entry level classes. Which, by the way still kick butt. The work outs consist of a warm up, ante, and WOD. Here's today's lovely lineup:

ANTE:
150 Wall Ball (low squats with soft weighted ball, tossed to a target on the wall. But you stand like a foot from the wall)
1 x for time- 7min:40sec was my time.

(Most the guys used 12 and 20, but I used the 8 ball...150 is a freakin lot. I could have done 12 though seeing I was the first one done haha).

WOD:

1000 meter row
50 Thrusters
30 Pull ups

1 x for time- 12min:38sec was my time.

This wasn't incredibly awful until I got half way into the thrusters. Because Dan had me do these last night. But the up side to the ones this morning is that it was just the 35 lb bar. But trust me, that was plenty. AND I had a medium band for the pull ups. It sucked. I was cursing a little bit haha, it's what happens when I work out sometimes. But, it felt so good to FINISH. ay dios mio!

And nowwwww my leg. Freakin garbage. Had to cancel my photo shoot on Sunday in FL cause I look like roadkill :( Oh well. I'm still going to the beach :) Just gonna sport a bruise haha.


My masterpiece of a bruise. It literally makes a perfect semi circle from the front of my knee to the side of my thigh. I have a golfball sized knot/bruise on my other leg too. haha fail.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Can't a girl exercise in one piece?!

If you have been sadly keeping up with my facebook statuses in the past couple weeks you would know that I have had some very unfortunate encounters when it comes to activities outdoors. Literally everytime I'm outside something wrong happens.

Skip to the bottom if you just want to know why I despise men, texas and bikes haha.

**Bloody battle wound pictures at bottom too. :)

And here's tonight's award winning story. -__-

I start biking at 8PM at Leon Trails. It's light out when I start but I have a light on my bike cause I knew it'd be dark by the time I finished. Twenty minutes, 5 miles, turn around. One mile later it's gettin pretty dark, but I've got my handy light still! I'm at the part of the trail where there's houses on one side. Well for some reason I swerve a little and instead of over correcting and going the other way I shrug it off and just ride a split second off the sidewalk. Oh what's that in front of me? (I really don't know what it's called because we don't have them in Florida #win) but it's that drainage thing between houses. For my non-Texan readers it's like as wide as sidewalk and made of concrete, but it's about a foot and a half deep. So it's a little concrete river without the water. Yeah sure?
Ok well I was pedaling full speed at that sucker. Couldn't see it whatsoever. *But Sasha you had a light!?! YEAH the light is so other people can see me...not so I can see everything :(
Welp the front tire hit the far side. I flew over the bike. Then the bike flew over me. Would've been a nice action shot, like forreal.

A. I would like to thank karate for teaching me how to fall correctly. Perhaps why my elbow and/or shoulder is not broken right now. But the rest of me...hurts.

B. I would also like to thank Coach Adam for teaching me to fight for my spot in cheerleading, which in turn made me always get back up no matter how hard I had just fallen out of a stunt and do it again.

So, you guessed it. I got up. Picked the bike up. Stood there for a second and then realized my light didn't work.*%$^&%$*! Really?! I'm four miles out in the dark with no light. Oh and this is the ONLY time I have ever been on this trail without a phone. Go figure. Angry.
So I just start to walk with the bike. Yes, I clearly could have gotten back on but I was quite angry at the bike at this moment haha.

When I get to some light I realize I have blood dripping down my leg. *Any on my Vibrams?!!? NO. Whew! :)
Then not one but TWO bikers with working lights I might add come up behind me. I look right at them. Stopped with my bike and neither of them say a word. Men. RUDE.

And I get passed by a male runner. Says nothing. Seriously?!

So I get angrier and hop on the bike and slowly make my way back. I'm angrier now because I just got walked by AND I won't make my time I had set. Ten minutes passes. Some toolbag passes me and (Yes, I realize he had no idea I fell off my bike but still he wasn't polite) says, "Hey man, where's your lights!?" in a very cocky 'this is my trail" kind of way. So I replied, "I fell over my handle bars and broke it. THANKS!" I added some reaaaaaal polite french words under my breath but I will leave those to your imagination.

Anywho. I get back (still finishing a ten mile ride in 50 mins I might add). And I go to the police officer who is parked by the trail entrance and I kindly ask if he has a first aid kit. Nope. But after I went to the car to get the one I remembered we had in there he came over and checked out my leg. Said it might need stitches. Bleh. So ems came and cleaned me up. No stitches though. HALLELUJAH! :D
They told me it would scar. I was like yeah broooo battle wound!

But here is my explanation for despising MEN, TEXAS, and BIKES tonight:

Men: The 3 *&#$%^! guys that passed me and didn't bother to help AND especially the jerk who yelled at me for being lightless.

Texas: I can do nothing in the great outdoors of your state alone, ever. This is a major issue. I just want some fresh air and exercise.

Bikes: Well you could've broken I guess, but you still hurt me tonight and I don't know the next time I will be riding again.

Ahh the first snap shot. It looked so weird and swollen. But it was really just skin..and dirt. bleh! This is me after the nice EMS guys cleaned and bandaged me up.
And this is the end result. After cleaning it out and wanting to like punch a wall at the same time. Didn't hurt near as bad as the peroxide I put on it a few minutes ago.

I'm thankful this is all that happened. And of course I won't be taking it easy. Cross fit all week until FLORIDA...then once I'm home, you bet your bottom dollar I'll be running my butt off! :)

If I could write you a song

I would.
But I can't, and letters are more my thing anyways..

I think you may know me as the girl you met in the Wolfram's Sunday school class at Bell Shoals. The girl who wore toe socks on chapel day and got kicked out of Mrs. Kline's class at BSBA for my singing Christmas socks. Maybe I'm the girl that broke your collarbone when you were my back spot in cheerleading. The one who would take part in debates at lunch over abortion and homosexuality. Maybe I'm the girl who taught you the Watermelon Crawl at the bull or how to do dead bugs at the gym. The girl who taught you to be bold and love yourself and learn how to cook and how to french braid. I can even be that girl who made you cry over something I said too boldly; or something I didn't even say. The girl who forgot your birthday, again. The one who cancelled plans. The one who works more than breathes. The girl who does everything alone, including late night runs in Tampa (sorry dad!) and would usually prefer it that way. The girl who made you laugh just by my stupid laugh. And the girl who pissed you off because I just wouldn't give in, or give up a fight. Maybe you met me as the girl who breathes spontaneity. The one who can't not do anything. The girl obsessed with toe shoes and rock climbing and slack lining and line dancing and everything else that isn't norm. I'm the girl who left in the middle of a sentence and didn't look back (..metaphorically hah). The girl who was scared to death to live and get caught. The girl who was clearly stuck between two worlds, the one where I want to love you and the one where I don't know how to.

I don't know which one of those girls you've met. But they're all me. And chances are, you've met that girl at some point in time; even if you only know me a little bit. Chances also are that I wish you had been able to meet a different girl, the one I wish I could be ALL the time. But who am I kidding, no one is perfect. Maybe, but probably not, lots of you will read this. This is really only for one of you, though. It's the you that's in my head all the time. You told me God put me here for a reason and that resonates in my head like clocks chiming every hour. Somedays I think you're the reason. And because of you I feel like my life has been in slow motion. But when I finally get to see you it's like time couldn't ever slow down enough. I think I burned about the millionth bridge in my life and I burnt that bridge with you. Normally I can do a pretty good patch job and function post-bridge-burning. But this time I feel different. Like I messed a good thing up really bad. And for myself, not just you. I had everything I ever wanted in my lap and it wasn't good enough. But it wasn't you that wasn't good enough. It was me. The scared, vulnerable me that maybe only a few other people have met. No, you aren't perfect, but perfect isn't what I want. You told me I needed to figure out what I want. I have. My life is never going to slow down and I am never going to achieve the cookie cutter that I created for myself. Never. So instead of trying to find a perfect fit to my stupid cookie cutter demeanor, what I want is to just let myself be happy. And I had never been happier in my life. I had never felt safer. And that scared me to death, but now that it's gone, I'm even more afraid i'll never find it again.

song and dance. song and dance.

I would, for some God forsaken reason, rather you remember me as the girl who walked to the rhythm of her own beat and right out of your life, than the girl who could just be and stay for awhile.

I wrote that sentence a week or so ago on my last post. Then I heard this song, Guinevere, by the Eli Young Band. And I hate cliches and sounding corny, but the lyrics were perfect. I tried explaining and understanding, in my last post, why the heck I am the way I am or do some of the stupid things I do, or say things that are so cold and not know where it comes from. Lyrics have a way of putting some things in perspective.

"She carries memories around like souvenirs down in her pockets
She should have let some go by now but can't seem to drop it
Says forgiveness ain't nothing but a lifeless tire on the shoulder of her soul
That never rolls
For as much as she stumbled she's runnin'
For as much as she runs she's still here
Always hoping to find something quicker than heaven
To make the damage of her days disappear
Yeah she writes you in as just one more tale
and then you're gone
'Cause she once fell hard 'cause she dropped her guard
And no one gets to stay it's just too late."

I know I can't go back and take away the things I said. I can't go back and take away the things that were said to me, or weren't said to me, to make me run; to make me wanna be cold to people I never really want out of my life. It's my defense when you get too close, but I really want you to stay. I just don't want you to leave. I want you to fight like hell for me even though I don't deserve it. I keep pushing. Cause one ruined it, it's ruined for all, right? But I think I finally realized how my running is catching up with the ones I love. And I don't think I'm gonna get any of them back. Sorry isn't a word I say much because I don't think it mends much, it's just a word. The hurt normally sticks around and the guilt of hurting someone again lingers. But if I knew I could just say sorry and try everything all over again. I'd do it in a heartbeat. As much as I'd love to go back and avoid the pitfalls that made me this way; I can't. And I can't take back the words I said that ruined good things.

I'd love to have a storybook ending, but there's only one who knows the ending to the tale of my life.