Blotted Life

I've turned this into some master scheme.
That I would end up in his arms, in that place, with that job, with those kids, with that body, making that salary.

And I've seen the problem over and over and over.

And somehow, it still trips me up.
God has a way of doing that, you know.

I wanna be able to say with my whole heart.
I wanna be abe to trust with my whole soul and love with everything I have, and believe beyond anything I know.

That even if I don't end up in anyone's arms, I have You.
If I don't get that that place, any place you're always here. And when you're here I am satisfied.
When I get fired from that job, I know you still provide.
If I can't ever have children, I know you'd bless me with a life which you had already planned.
That I can't ever meet my own standards, you remind me I'm a daughter of the King.

God make this my heart.
make this my cry.

It's in the utter, lost brokenness where I see your grace as more amazing.
Where I am astounded by your mercy and unfailing love for my soul.
God, You never let go. You never let go. You never let go. You never let go.



Tonight someone told me 'God made burdens, He also made shoulders.'
And you know I'm still thinking about that. I think it's easy to say that trials and testing,...burdens, aren't exactly the most exciting things to think about. Even when we know we have what it takes to carry them, we doubt our ability to get through it.
The Lord wouldn't place something in your life that would cripple you. You may feel like it, I certainly do, but He already knows that outcome. He is going to get you through it..I can type that forever and not believe it when I hit that road block. How difficult it is to just see the light at the end of the tunnel when our day seems so dark.The trial is just part of the bigger picture. Maybe it's the part that ties it all together, maybe it's the background, and yours might even be the flowers that make a grassy meadow look beautiful. Take your trial, and walk with it. Don't run from it like I do. Don't hide from it like I do. Don't pretend it doesn't exist like I do. I'm learning to see trials. Not how to live or react with them, just to open my eyes to them. It's hard to look at, but I have to remind myself that MY God is faithful. I would never doubt Him...why should I just because life got tough?