Easy to say since the last time I posted, the most important part of me life was pushed to the back of the proverbial "shelf". I could pretend to be transparent and say things like I was stressed with school, and dropping a class, and potentially losing scholarships, and getting projects in on time and signing a lease and finding a job and any other "justification" I could humanly come up with; but honestly it's not good enough. It's funny how the Lord still works in your life when He probably feels like you've almost completely forgotten about him. That's the amazing thing about my Savior.
"I do the sinning. He does the saving." I never have to ask Him to stay with me..He just does. Christ's love is greater than anyone can ever know, but I pray that you will be able to know that love. Ephesians 3:19
I feel like I keep having to apologize for the way I am. For being human and making incredible errors, or at least feeling that way.
I know it makes no difference to the Lord, that I'm completely covered by His blood. But wouldn't it be lovely to KNOW you're life is just a love song to the Lord?
On a more personal update..
I'm not going to be pursuing engineering after this semester. It's crazy that the people who love me the most, are disappointed by that and when I tell them the other thing I feel led to..the first rebuttal is money, salary. The people who LOVE me the most think I'm pursuing a degree for money, for me, for selfish reasons, and for them. But I'm not. Not anymore at least. Pursuing my calling, not my potential. Luke 6:38. I discovered pretty quickly, that no matter how much money you know you'll make in 4 years with a degree in Computer Science, the unhappiness and absolute lack of motivation is not worth it; and a definite sign that my decision was MY decision...not the Lord's calling.
So..Now what?
I don't know.
The one thing I never wanted to do because it felt like I wasn't really achieving anything, like I was taking the easy way out, is now what I will probably end up pursuing. Lord willing. I love children. I love math. and frankly, I like telling people what to do. So whether I'm a math teacher, or an elementary teacher, or a scoffed-by-all-engineers business major, it'll be what the Lord has called me to do. So WHAT if I won't ever be able to provide for myself like I've always been used to. So WHAT if I don't make a ton of money like I could at NASA or something. I can't take any of it with me, so for all that counts, I'm not gonna mess it up. Again.
Other than that...
I'm working at Wet Seal 3-4 days a week
I'm done with school April 30, then I have a week of exams.
I move into my summer apartment for Orientation on May 10. Orientation madness starts almost immediately after.
Starting sometime next month..I'll only be available Wednesdays and Sat/Sun. And on those days I'll prolly be working at Wet Seal. Hello Summer?
This blog isn't going anywhere else.
So goodbye.
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"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1
ReplyDeleteGod gives us so many opportunities, and as long as we take them with the purpose of glorifying him through them -- whether it be building a space shuttle or grading multiplication worksheets -- then we will be doing the will of the Creator of the Universe. Everything else will fall into place.
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33
P.S. I'm proud of you! Hang in there and take a moment once in a while to look up toward the light at the end of the tunnel before putting your nose back to the grindstone! <3
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