Hurricane Waves

Although the scenery has changed a LOT in the past couple of weeks, I still find myself having time to recharge and think at coffee shops and whole foods like I did in Texas. It's like my permanent comfort zone no matter where I go. I like that.

So in lieu of Hurricane Isaac, I forged the weather to my "spot" and decided to finally write this puppy out. Honestly, hurricane weather is beautiful. It's the coolest thing to witness huge waves of rain and gusts of wind rise and die almost as quickly as they came about. To see the sky churning, waiting for it to upchuck some more gray skies and sheets of opaque looking rain that you can hardly see your hand in front of your face it's so heavy. These storms don't mess around. And I don't like that I take them so lightly, because I know the damage that can and has been done, but I find beauty in the storm. In fact, it's taking almost every fiber in me to keep my butt planted in this seat and NOT drive the to beach and just get pelted with the rain and watch the waves go bizirk as the hurricane winds rip through the water.

And in light of hurricane weather, even though I find it so amazing.. it puts me in a really mellow mood after awhile. With enough rainy days you start to get kind of pessimistic with each hour of continued rain. Maybe that's just me. But with this weather, comes the Sasha who analyzes every fraction of a fraction and pesters at all my decisions, situations and predicaments. I mean, there is nothing else to do when it's monsooning outside, so why not?

I came up with some areas that need work. And you are always more than welcome to share your thoughts on this or your own struggles or whatever. I like the feedback :)

1. Confidence in God and Self
Sticks out like a sore thumb. And shouldn't even be a slight issue. I never realized that THIS is exactly where a lot of my downfalls root from. I think in my head that I'm trusting God in all of my decisions and that I'm doing His will (following Him with each of my moves etc), but in reality it's just me trying to convince myself I trust that idea. I KNOW I was called here or there, so I go and do, but my heart isn't there. My heart is somewhere between here and Texas trying to figure out what it is I want, love, need, like, or desire. It's hard for me to find confidence in things that are constantly changing. But I don't let people know that. I cover that up and act bold about everything and where I've been, but it's just not like that. I'm so afraid that I'm going to get plucked from here the second I start to like it. I'm afraid to like it here. I know I "can't bring it with me when I go", but not having the confidence to be myself in a new place is weird. It's something I really need some prayers on. Yes, I want my actions to follow the Lord's will for my life, but I also want my heart to be right there with us. I don't want my heart to be 500 miles behind. I'm trusting God by going, but my heart isn't in line.

-Pray that I would develop the heart confidence to coincide with my "go" confidence.


2. Lifestyle Inconsistencies
Time to be blunt.
I will be the first to tell you, I am such a hypocrite. What the hell am I doing? 
Where did the girl who started this blog go? I feel like I've picked up a lot of "character" along my crazy-traveling-life road, but some things cannot be regarded as character. I just won't stand for it anymore. I don't know how I let things get so deep. And I've said this a million times before! Like those stupid weeds that grow between the cracks in your pool deck. You turn around and they're a foot tall! What happened!? Where were you with the preventative methods, weed killer and chemicals?!
Now you have only one choice, pull the weeds out completely.. root and all.
I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS. But, some of my decisions have led to more decisions that have led to things I'm not proud of. And I'm okay with sharing this, because even though I'm not proud of it, I'm proud of that fact I can call myself out and at least attempt to fix it. I refuse to live in it. I refuse to be okay with being lukewarm in everything I do.
So if I tweet about #shehasworth, never settling, waiting etc etc.. you bet your bottom dollar I want you to tweet back and be like YO SASH! WHO WERE YOU WITH LAST NIGHT? ARE YOU BEING A P31? ARE YOU RESPECTING THE MEN AROUND YOU IN WHAT YOU WEAR, SAY AND DO? ...all caps for bolder effect. But I am serious! My worldliness in some of my choices are coming from the first issue of being on different pages with my head and my heart. There should never ever be a reason to choose the world over Christ. I know it's going to be awkward, difficult and not a whole lot of fun sometimes, but the outcome is what my heart was made for.. ETERNITY.

AH. You have no idea how GOOD it feels to get that out of.

Or if I make a post on a facebook about a great sermon and post it up for the world to see, you bet I want you to be straight up and ask me: HOW'S YOUR QUIET TIME GOIN? WHATS GOD REVEALING TO YOU LATELY? HOW ARE YOU SERVING? HOW ARE YOU PLUGGING INTO COMMUNITY?

And the cursing is out of control. I blame it on crossfit, but it has got to gooo. I know I get super into my workouts, but it's not ladylike on any scale, not even at the gym. So call me out, bro! I'm gonna try to have a rated PG mouth at all times :)

So before this gets even more ranty and random, I would ask you to please pray for me. I'm claiming my hypocrisies and asking them to be covered in prayer as I turn it around.





"I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easilyI'm here to stay and make the difference that I can makeOur differences they do a lot to teach us how to useThe tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stakeWe had to learn how to bend without the world caving inI had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not..And who I am"